Still aliiiiveee :S

Huhuuuuu my cuuutiepies <3

I hope you didn´t already put out a missing advertisement on myself :) Haha just imagine such a "WANTED ANGE" poster, which you know from cowboy or western movies :D 

Hahaa but first of all I wanna wish you (I know I am tooooo too late, but I think it definitively is noteworthy) a niiiiice and creamy World Nutella Day (which was on the 5th of February!!!!
I hope you all had a serving of it ;) I absolutely can tell you I had it and it still is my fav brekkie *_* 

So why was I absent for such a long long time now: To be honest at the moment I am not so sure if it is a good idea to still keep my blog alive at the moment.... :( Because on the one hand my blog means the world to me and getting in contact with so many many of you wonderful angels all over the planet is so amazing and wonderful for me! You all helped me so so much so far… But on the other side the therapists here in the clinic considered me ending it, because they think it will always remember and stick myself to my ED and Miss Mager :S 
So I am so unsure of this now :D such a difficult decision :S because I probably think that  they are right about it :( because in not any form I still wanna cling on to Miss Mager and this fucking illness.... I want her to be banned out of my life completely!!
But I always was of the opinion my blog is a safe place for this and helps me exactly going against it :( But now I don´t know what to do... :( because I also think it would be a good idea to finish it and make it just as a symbolic ending of this part of my life as well, you know what I mean? ;) 
I would love so much to hear your true and honest opinion about this topic, as I am really struggling with this decision at the moment ;) 
Thanks so so much in advance ;) 
Love u looooads ;) xxx

Oh and by the way, I wish you all a wonderwonderwonderful Valentine´s Day <3 

A friend is one who overlooks the your broken fence and admires the flowers in your garden :) *_*

Heeeeeeeyhoooo my cuuties :-*
How ya doin? ;) Puh for myself this is a good question ;) It is a very confusing week for many of us at the clinic at the moment and I think I definitively have to keep going for more ;) otherwise I will stay in here like forever and this is something I absolutely don´t plan to dooo...... :S 
So now I increased my meal sizes to all meals (brekkie, lunch and dinner) to 150% and also yesterday I had my first cake in between the meal times and this evening 175% for dinner :S 
But what I actually wanted to dedicate this post to is: The lovely lovely other inpatients and now friends I made here in the clinic :) Believe me guys, having someone who gives you a lift on your way is really priceless :)
 I never really noticed this, but doing new steps along the way with other truly supporting people and motivating other ones, means so much to me at the moment ;) It pushes me forward and not lets me stand stuck at one place :) So on the one hand my family is my rock to lean and build on and on the other hand I now experienced how much different it is to know to get some support from friends ;) who have to go the same way as you do and still have enough power to help you back on track or push you away from your illness ;) 
So to everybody in the clinic who is reading this: I am so so thankful for all of your constant support and all of the kicks away from this stupid illness :S

LIFE offers so much more than the constant circle of thoughts about food ;) 

But alsooo a thing which I experienced massively here in the clinic is: who are your real friends and care for you and who is like many other people only a person who once had contact to you and pretended to be your friend :) So seeing who is here for me even in the darker times of life is so important for me to discover and uncover ;) because those are the real people who I wanna keep in my future life :) So thank you so so much to all of you who really are here for me at the moment ;) LOVE U so much <3

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016

Huuuuuhuuuu my bees :)
I wish you with all my <3 a happy new year full of so many many perspectives *_*

I celebrated New Year´s Eve here in the clinic with a lot of other lovely inpatients :) we reeeeeeaallly had very very much fun despite being inpatient :) 

Did you guys actually made a list with things you wanna achieve in 2016? =) Well, to be honest at first I didn´t want to do something like this, but thinking about it in detail, I realized it probably makes me more motivated to reach out for some of these goals if I concretize them ;) 
So this is the reason why I wrote some of my goals for 2016 in words down in my notebook ;) 

• Getting out of hospital with a healthy and motivated state of mind and a normal-sized body
• Making a trip on my own (for learning to be peace with myself) -> maybe also doing a job or term abroad (but this needn´t has to be realized in 2016)
• Going to Disneyland with my lovely blogging gal Emmy (you can have a look at her blog here: http://ganache-elf.blogspot.de)
• Finally deciding what my future career or job desire will be (I am not really sure if I will continue my studies for becoming a teacher)
• Making up with some friends and surround myself with many of the beautiful people I truly love<3 
• Taking up some new hobbies :) Don´t actually know right now which ones, but hopefully I will be able to find something to enjoy ;) 

And for everything else I simply will let the year begin and wait what for what it actually offers myself ;) 

Buuuuut to keep myself motivated day by day again and again I noticed listening to some fast and good- mood music is the beeeest way to make boring and depressing daaays speed up a little bit :
At the moment I loooove listening to Macklemore ;) Especially Irish Celebration, but also Can´t Hold Us and Thrift Shop are the best way to make me sing along and doing crazy faces :) This tip was just an addition to the actual post, just because I was in the mood of writing this ouuuut for everyone who is struggling :) 
Loooove u all way sooo much :) 

Merry merry christmas ;)

Merry Christmas, Feliz Natal, God Jul, Gledelig Jul, Feliz Navidad, Wesolych Swiat, Subh Krisamas, Joyeaux Noel, Linksmu Kaledu, Maayong Pasko, Buon Natale, Prettig Kerstfeest, Kala Christougenna, Nollaig Shona Duit,......

FROHE WEIHNACHTEN

Yes my dears, I wish you all merry merry christmas and I hope you all had lovely festive days with your family or your beloved ones *_* 
Christmas for me is so so important and special, that I truly would say it is the most beautiful time of the year ;) This year the weather here in Germany was so amazingly sunny and untypically warm outside :S so there was no real christmas mood coming up... But I do love the beautiful and wonderfully decorated houses and lights in the evening and at night ;) it always looks so pretty and festive ;)
Aaaaand what I now was most happy about this year was, that I was allowed to spend christmas eve at home with my family *_* Oh it was so wonderful I nearly couldn´t believe it, because I truly was able to enjoy the time and not feel stressed about eating ;) my mum and dad made it just as we planned to do it ;) we all for sure were kind of very nervous, but we managed to get it up together ;) I received so many wonderful presents and it nearly felt like being a child again :) I love such moments ...... :) unfortunately it was over soo fast and I am back at the clinic now :( never mind I have to make it out of here with a normal weight, so for this I definitively have to speeed up a little bit ;) 

So now my cutiepiiees :) I wish you a good (as this is anyhow possible?=)) start into your new week and the last week of 2015 ;) Let´s pray that 2016 will be a better one :) 

Love u to pieces ;) xxxx

Christmas Time is here :) *_*

Heeeeeeeeeeeeey Sweeties :)

LAST CHRISTMAS I GAVE YOU MY HEART BUT THE VERY NEXT DAY YOU GAVE IT AWAY..........
Yes Miss Mager, last year I gave you all my heart :S not only at christmas :( and you in contrast to the song text didn´t give it away, you kept it :( You completely took it from me....

But enough of all the negativity hunniiiiiiiiies *_*
GOOOD GOOD NEWS: I will be allowed to spend Christmas Eve at home with my family :) OMG this makes me so so unbelievably happy and I also can tell you why :)
Last weekend I had the permission of leaving the clinic over the weekend and I was spending it at home with all my loved ones :) It was SO amazing for me, really.... <3
My family helped me so so much with all my meals and I truly enjoyed simply being together with them ;) we absolutely didn´t do anything too special, just being at home and baking christmas cookies, meeting with my beloved neighbors and relatives and visiting a little christmas market in a cute little town just around here :) I absolutely never thought such simple and normal things could any time make me happy again ;) but it was so wonderful being around with those I LOVE ;) THANK YOU TO EVERYBODY WHO MADE IT SO SPECIAL FOR ME ;) I know I am exaggerating it probably a bit, but I was so happy ;) and now I can´t wait for Thursday *_______*

So today the sun is shining here so beautifully and the Chiemsee is appearing in such a magical and misty, dusty sunny light :) really really pretty ;) 
But because of the sun there truly is no christmas mood coming up to me..... :) but I try to decorate my room as much as possible to have more christmas feelings coming up ;) hehe

This is me and another girl here in the clinic :)

So and also this weekend I was able to spend Papa´s birthday with Mama and him around here and it was so great to see them both happy *_* 

Yesterday I also went with 5 other girliiiies from here by boat to the Herreninsel in the Chiemsee, where such a worldwide known castle called Herrenchiemsee is built... :) So we made a guided tour and had much fun together :) In the evening me and another girl also went for a sparkling wine into a bar just around the corner :) So all in all I had a lovely weekend and my therapies are just starting today again ;) Let´s see how this week will be and I can´t wait to here from you ;) How are you spending the Christmas days and especially did you offer any special wishes??? ;) It would be so so cool to hear from you my dears :) Love u all so much and I hope I now will be able to blog more often again ;) Sorry for my lack of postings ;) xxxx

Nikolaustaaaaaaag =)

Huhuuuuuuuu my honeybeeeees :)
Toooooday in Germany is St. Nikolaus Day :) which commonly is celebrated in most of the parts ;) but not in every other country in the world this day means the same, as for example the children in the Netherlands receive most of their presents at this day and not at the 24th or christmas day *_* but why is this? All the different ways of celebrating christmas in the world, and what is a common tradition in each country? :) 

This was something I truly got interested in this year and so I decided to make an advent calendar for my Family, in which I present them each day a poster of the traditions of how to celebrate christmas in 24 different plaaaaaces.... :) 

So I honestly took so much time to make it and to do research especially on the internet of all of the used traditions, which make each state a special one for itself ;) I truly got so fascinated of all the differences, but also the similarities some of them share ;) So this is why I send each day a poster to my family in which I explain another country ;) 
I truly would love to publish all of them here on my blog, because maybe you are also interested in this topic as well? But I wrote it all in German :S so I just give you an impression by posting the one of today: Hahaa it is Germany :) 

FROHE WEIHNACHTEN

•In Germany, the time of Advent starts on 01 December, and most people have an advent calendar on which they are allowed to open one door every day (this is available in various versions like for example: Chocolate, images, filled individually, jewelery, ...)

•Four sundays before Christmas the wreaths of Advent are lit, and every Sunday again the next candle. In addition, all homes are festively decorated with fairy lights, candles, Christmas decorations, a crib and a Christmas tree wirh baubles

•On 06 December Saint Nikolaus is celebrated,  on which the children put their boots in front of the doors and hope that Santa Claus (and not Knecht Ruprecht) puts in candy or small gifts and treats

•On Christmas Eve, the children receive their gifts and presents from the Christkind and the family spends a nice evening together and afterwards visit the Christmas service in their town

•The Christmas meal varies, depending on region and family traditions: Whereas in the one area a stew or sausages with fries or potato salad is common, others have for example share roasted meat or other goodies

•Throughout the whole season of Advent the Germans are known for baking very much cookies and biscuits, which also goes back to  an old tradition: Spitzbuben, Lebkuchen, Nougatbällchen, Lübecker Leckerli, Kokosmakronen, Zimtsterne, Vanillekipferl, Früchtebrot, Spekulatius, Christstollen or Dominosteine

•In addition, at the beginning of all the celebrations throughout the whole country numerous Christmas markets open their doors, where you can buy and eat all kinds of Christmas goodies and drinks: decorations, small gifts, mulled wine, gingerbread

•On 06 January, the Germans also celebrate the Three Kings by providing their figures in their cribs

Okay now if you want to get more from my little calendar about all the different traditions from around the world simply leave a comment or contact me ;) Hope you like it ;) Kisseeeeees for you :) 

Settling in and first advent :)

HELLOOOOOOOOOO MY CUTIEPIES *_*

I wish you all a wonderful and peaceful first day of December ;) The laaaast month of this crazy, harmful and confusing year 2015 =) 
I hope you all have an advent calendaaaaaar? :) I am such a addict according to this, because I always feel so unbelievably happy opening one door after each other ;) Hahaa and guess now how many I got? ;) 

1. one little postcard one 
2. a self-made one with pictures from my family *_*
3. a little self bought nostalgic one with pictures as well ;)
   
   
   
4. a jewelry one, in which there is one necklace and everyday a different pendant shows up
5. 
6. and a self made calendar, which my little cousins made for me ;) such a lovely idea of them. Every day a little self tinkered handcraft is coming out :) Isn´t this sweet? =)
   

OOOOOOOH I know there are already many pictures now, but I definitively have to show you an updated foto of my room here, beeeeecause my Daddy visited me on Sunday and he brought so many many things to decorate ;) Omg, look at this wonderful christmas lights!!!! *_* and down on the right, you can see the calender from my cousins ;) 

To keep u updated a little bit as well, I know also had my first eating release, which meeeeeans I now finally was allowed to out outside the clinic with my Papa!!! *_* We shared Pizza and it was so amazing honestly!!!!!! Oh and also I now made it to the next table, which means I have more freedom a little bit ;) but I also had to increase my portion sizes, which isn´t easy in any form :S But I am ruffling my way through ;) 
Love u all so much and I hope the christmas feelings also soon will appear a little bit more ;) 
Wish you all a lovely daaaay ;)

Me kissing Santa :) *_*