MERRY CHRISTMAAAS EVERYBODY *_*

Joseph von Eichendorff

Markt und Straßen stehn verlassen,
Still erleuchtet jedes Haus,
Sinnend geh’ ich durch die Gassen,
Alles sieht so festlich aus.

An den Fenstern haben Frauen

Buntes Spielzeug fromm geschmückt,Tausend Kindlein stehn und schauen,
Sind so wunderstill beglückt.

Und ich wandre aus den Mauern
Bis hinaus in’s freie Feld,
Hehres Glänzen, heil’ges Schauern!
Wie so weit und still die Welt!

Sterne hoch die Kreise schlingen,
Aus des Schneees Einsamkeit
Steigt’s wie wunderbares Singen –
O du gnadenreiche Zeit!

Huhuuuuuu my amazing wonderful honeys ;) 

I just want this to be a short post to wish you all the very best, wonderful, calm, holly, merry merry christmas ;) I hope you can enjoy the festivities with your beloved ones and receive many presents and share smiles with each other ;) 

This poem is a german one and it is one of my very favorite ones ;) it is all about the spirit of christmas and describes a man who walks through a festively lit town and out on a calm field and simply feels the magic of christmas itself in these moments of joy ;) 

So always keep in mind what it really is about in life ;) And i also said to my mummy the other day, for me after this year, it isn't about one special festivity, or day ;) because i simply feel it more now, that every day is special and matters ;) if it was a good day, be happy with it, and if it was a bad one, be calm with yourself, because tomorrow is another day and another chance for you to make it a good one ;) 

So I wish you a nice christmas festivity and share this time of the year with the ones you LOVE ;) MERRY CHRISTMAS ;) xxxxx All my love ;) 

People come and people go, but memories stay forever :) and important people stay :)

Huhuuuuuu my christmas angels *_* 

Only 10 days until christmas, is this even possible? AAAAAAH :D and still so many many things to do and arrange :S or is it different for you? :) Foor me now it means it is now time for the final dash of the year 2016 :) On Facebook I recently saw a pic: 

In English this means:Unbelievable to see who you started and who you
finish your year with :)

I think this one is so right: Maybe you just also take a look back to the beginning of your year :) who was there at this time for you? :) For me this really is kind of amazing, because at the beginning of 2016 i was a fall apart, shy, embittered, lonely, lost girl, who was celebrating New Year´s Eve with some other sick patients in a clinic battling against my eating disorder... I was just a small, shrunken shadow of myself :S I feel so shameful, bbad and sorry for all of this and the things I have done to my beloved ones.... :( 
But not only I was different, just like the quote says: who was there for me? Puh this is easily countable at one or two hands :) many people left in my life through the illness, because they couldn´t handle the coldness and sickness of me being Miss Mager in a full-time job :S I really felt somehow left alone and all I had was my wonderful wonderful amazing family ;) They are truly the world and anchor for me :) They (next to Nutella :D haha saved my life =)) 

Looking back now, I feel this loneliness so much ... But so this is why I am so confused for so many moments right now:( maybe this is hard to explain, but I sometimes/very often can´t deal with my inner happiness, relaxation, and the people who truly seem to like me :) the real Ange ;) without Miss Mager speaking out of her :) For me this is like a wonder, that people wanna spend time with me and welcome me at their surroundings and friends ;) Maybe you know this feeling? ;) I am somehow soo overwhelmed by the love and of many people, because in the past i had to deal so much with the hate and the rejection of a lot of people ;) Oh damn, this is so hard to form in words ;) All in all I just wanna say thank you so much for making me see the change in your faces ;) And even if i know that I still have such a long and even confusing way in front of me, I still look back with patience and now for the first time i want to share with you a picture where I wish and hope you can see a little change i made in this whole year 2016 ;) I feel a little bit unsure about this, but i think the end of this year may be an option of sharing it with you ;) :S 

Puuuuh i am sorry again for such a confusing post ;) but here is so much going on in my head and I simply enjoy sharing it all with you my shining ones :) *_* 
Wish you now a wonderful, cosy and enjoyable evening ;) I am still need to learn a little bit for my exam in tax advice on friday ;) but thereby i will listen to christmas songs :) *_* Love u xxxxxxxxxxx :-*

1st Deceeeeember *_*

Huhhuuuuuuuu my Angeeeeeels :-*

Are you already in Christmas mood? :) I definitively have to admit, that I still try to get into it :) buuuut I nevertheless decorated our whole house with little christmas decorations like pinecones, candles, and many other cheesy decorations haha :D but even though one second before i told you i am not so much in the mood, i still am so happy that today on the 1st of December (OMG where is the whole year gone? :S can´t believe it is already the end of 2016 :D) 
So to keep you a little bit updated in my life :) I amm really really happy at the moment ;) because i kind of feel more free at the moment because i left some things in the past now, which were really bothering me for the last few weeks now ;) i do not wanna go into details, because this was something very personal and i am glad i broke it up now ;) so i feel free on this topic again now and also i feel so much more being free, going out and having fun ;) I feel so much more confident and this uplifts me so much ;) *_* 
But what else is going on? :) next week i have my first exams in school ;) in a subject which is called "Allgemeine Wirtschaftslehre" could maybe be translated as general business theory (it is very boring haha ;D) ;) and i hope it will be okay ;) 

Sooooo but also today I got such a sweet wake up :) when I came down to make my brekkie I already opened the 1st door of my self bought advent calendar ;) which contains old vintage style pictures and each day you receive a little letter or a card with a sweet nostalgic poem, quote or saying ;) today it was such a cute one from Christian Morgenstern ;) which I knew from my childhood but haven´t heard for such a long while ;) also the surprise was my mummy and daddy bought me a biiiiiiig advent calendar with real handmade truffle pralines *_* which i will enjoy noooow this year!!!!!! Not like last year whereas this whole christmas time i was in the clinic..... :S Also my mam gave me a wonderful mandala advent calendar, where i can color each day a new one and put it in a frame ;) such a cute idea isn´t it? 

So this is the one with the truffleeees :) and in the back you
can see our advent wrath with the 4 candles ;) 

Hahaa and bexause i am such a crazy girl ;D I also bought myself a small one with one earring for each day ;) those are just such small symbols like stars, snowflakes, diamonds, etc..... so i will change one of my earrings each day ( by the way in the whole i have 5 ear holes:S heheee so i can change many varieties ::)

The one in the middle is the earring one and the one on the right the mandala ;) 

And the best follows now: Call me crazy ;) buuuuuut every year (with the exeption of last year) I (and my sister in earlier years as well) build up one of my two playmobil toy advent calendars ;) :D OMG :) but i am such a little girl according to this ;) every year i put it up and place each figure and toy at its place in the stage ;) :D childish isn´t it? ;) but i enjoy being that little girl again each year ;) 

this is the nostalgic one with the cute letters ;) 

Just a short blink in my room now ;) 

Sooo much for this day now ;) Hahaa aand something to today i also wanna share with you my loveliiiiies ;) TODAY was the day i baked my first ever irish guinness bread ;) all alone by myself ;) hahaa i just was in the mood and never baked some bread before but i saw we had guinness at home and read a recipe on the interner and now we will see how it turned out ;) ahha master chief is calling :) ääääh no rather not !!!!!

I wish you all a wonderful, christmas time with many happy days now ;) xxxxxxx enjoy <3

Loosing some things in life whilst gaining new experiences :)

Heeeeeey my Daaaaarlings ;) 

Maaaany things happening over here and it is nearly aa little little bit complicated to pack all of these in words and especially in a blogpost :DD 

Okay so on the one hand I absolutely have to admit, that three or four weeks ago I absolutely struggled a lot :S so why? Because I simply felt overwhelmed of how many other things could bother or stress me at the same time, whilst I actually thought that my ed is my main problem ;) But in these days it felt like my behavior was becoming worse again, just because I tried to focus my life more on other things than eating, food, gaining, ..... It was like, i maybe describe it like this: I ranked my ed down in a smaller corner of my mind and it felt like it would rebel out of it :) Do you understand what I mean? I just wanted to focus my life more on personal relationships, being social again, learning for my first few tests of school, being active at work, and and and... And the result was: I first felt confident and great about it, because it felt like it would be easier to deal with Miss Mager, but the first illusion deceived :S It just went good as long as i wasn't stressed, like somebody wanted something from me which I didn't want or I was forced to do something I didn´t like.....
This made me somehow panic and just like the imagination of a little, defiantly child my ed wants attention again and i feel bad and insecure as a result of it!!!! Even though i am sooooo happy in my "everyday life" and my private progression :) Sounds so strange right?;) 

It somehow feels like this ill part/piece of me simply does not want to be forgotten, missed out or wants attention when i feel good and won´t let me be happy ... Kinda hard and i feel like this is so unfair and i truly wanna get rid of this part :S it confuses me so much :) 

Buuut I also think all of this confusedness comes by the fact that I currently feel like constantly pimped up with so much energy and happiness about my life at the moment ;) and as a result of that I feel confused :) Because all in all i couldn't be happier:) all things are developing in the right direction, I am back on track again and I have so many wonderful people around me having so much fun with them and spending a great time ;) So thanks to all of you ;) most of those I mean by saying this may never read this blog, buuuut to those of you, yeeeeeeees I know exactly you will be reading this,, because you currently are doing it hahaa ;) what a logic :D THANKS for being here for me ;) I love u to the moon and back :)
SOOOOOO and this is the "Wort zum Sonntag" -> word for sunday ;) 

Sending you all the best and muuuch love xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Reeeeeeaching 30.000 views, autumny days and a new month ;)

What a beautiful morning ;) Why can´t we start each day with such a wonderful quote? ;) 

Soooo heeeeeey my Sweeties ;) 

ALL OF YOU ;) OMG I have to tell you something which makes me so so unbelievably happy and i already counted the views down towards it :) MY LITTLE CUTE TINY COSY BLOD "How Nutella saved my Life" reeeeached 30.000 views!!!! *_* Wow, this just feels so stunning and unreal for me :D Thanks so much everybody who ever stopped by and all the lovely people I was allowed to get to know through blogging so far! Yes I mean you and you and everyone of you who is currently reading these lines!!!!!! 
Because for me my blog is kind of a collection of all of my thoughts, ups and downs and everything i survived in the last years.... It is like a album of good and bad moments and many amazing people i met through it ;) And like i already mentioned in one of my earlier posts for me this still is so stunning from where you all are from ;) 

But now moving on in this post ;) It became so much "Herbst" (=autumn) in the last weeks, which i normally actually not prefer, but when the sun shines, the world appears soooo beautiful ;) all the different colors of the fallen and still hanging leaves makes it look so stunning, pretty and unique ;) I collected some of the fallen ones and arranged them a little on our kitchen table which somehow made me happy, as well as we had 3 soooo cute small hedgehogs in our garden *_* awww they were so lovely ;) hopefully they will survive through the cold winter ;) Also my mammy and i did a last trip with our cabrio this year to take some nice fotos from the landscape all around here ;) Just to share some with you: ;) 

Another thing i again learned in the last days/weeks, is that everyday you can start again and nothing is lost by doing a mistake, as long as you don´t let it happen too much often ;) always still believe in yourself and never forget how beautiful and various the world is and so are you ;) 
Now a new month has started and here in Germany it is a public holiday today called "Allerheiligen" so I wish you all a good start in this 11th month of 2016 ;) unbelievable isn´t it? 
Sending you many love and i am so thankful for having you ;) xxxxxxxx Ange

Standing up and admitting your mistakes and faults....Because Nobody´s perfect!

Huhuuuu my honey bunnies ;) 

No one is perfect! It is simple and it is plain, nobody!!! NOT EVEN YOU and especially not you if you are in the craws of Miss Mager! 
Why not accepting your meal plan once in a while or why not even letting a snack pass by uneaten? Because this is ill and it is wrong!! we must try to keep this in mind ;) ALWAYS ;) restricting and cheating is not good and it never is the solution ;) ONLY honest, self caring and fighting people can win this battle ;) MY battle, OUR battle !!!!! But everyone for him/herself ;) DO IT FOR YOURSELF :) I truly have to realize this more and more in my head, because if you are not doing this, you never will heal fully :S and this is not what I want........

But don´t blame yourself for being a looser, a misfit or a failure by times.. You won´t stay this forever and it happened once, so change something about it so it won´t happen again! 
The one thing you just have to hope for is, that your beloved ones will forgive you those slips and fails :S and for them this might be so hard to understand so as a result of this they may blame you for it :) but you have to believe in the fact that time will heal wounds and scars :S maybe not today or tomorrow, but give it/them time :) if they see you are able to change they will be by your side again ;) 
So always keep in mind your life, your world and everything you do needn´t and never will be PERFECT, so neither have you ;) For this I looked up a song text which matching to this topic came to my mind  ;) And it made me remember so much ;) 
The song is called "Nobody´s perfect" by Mike and the Mechanics ;) I don´t actually know if anyone of you knows it, because i think it may is from the 80s or something around this time ;) but it made me remember our special family holidays in our mobile home in ireland, scotland, itaaly, sweden, norway, portugal, gb, ..... and i felt so happy and childish about it ;) I was just a little small girl sitting in the back of the car and listening to this music my parents had on their ipod and was playing nintendo gameboy ;) careless and free ;) enjoying my life and not thinking about anything serious ;) How much I wanna be free like this again ;) And also the lyrics of the song are soooooooo perfectly suitable for being unperfectt ;) HAhA so I hope you will like it ;) Maybe you also will give it a listen and tell me what you think? ;) Would be so happy to hear from you ;) 

NOBODY'S PERFECT SONGTEXT

It must be hard
being an angel
when the devil in your heart
won't set you free
it must be hard
being an angel
when the world has let you down
imperfection all around

Hey look at me
it must be hard
it must be hard
it must be hard.

Nobody's perfect
all of the time
nobody's perfect
we are what we are
there's no perfect reason
and no perfect rhyme

for most of the time
that's what we're looking for.

Gentlemen gentlemen please!
can you please support the notion
of what I'm saying here
that the person here in question
must be an angel here on earth
if they can't see a human being
for what a human being's really worth
gentlemen please!

Nobody's perfect
all of the time
nobody's perfect
we are what we are
there's no perfect reason
and no perfect rhyme
for most of the time
that's what we're looking for.

It must be hard
being an angel
it must be hard
when the world has let you down
it must be hard
being an angel
it must be hard.

Nobody's perfect
all of the time
nobody's perfect
we are what we are
there's no perfect reason
no perfect rhyme
most all of the time
that's what we're looking for...

Sentimental flashbacks, confusion, nostalgia and old memories ....

Heeeeeeyheeey my bestiiiiies *_* 
How are you? And how is the weather at your place right now? =) Does it maybe describe your mood at the moment? :D 
Here in Germany right now the weather is a little bit dusty, but with some wonderful sunny sunbeams here and there :) I love those little bright shines throughout the day :) they always make me smile :) Oh but all in all it definitively can be said, that it got so much colder since the beginning of october, also in the nights there is nearly zero degree :) but for all of this I am settled ;) I bought a new pair of shoes and a warm superdry jacket :) *_* So in love with that :) And also for the new start of the season, haha no just for fun ;) I again dyed my hair in a deep, also a little bit striking red ;) hahaa so I can´t be overlooked: the red fire alarm :)

Fuuuuun, so there are so many many things I currently am thinking about: 
On the one hand my life here is sooo great, as I never truly anyhow could have imagined it again, because so many wonderful, cool, amazing and exciting (neew) things happened, but on the other, I sometimes feel such a strange kind of sentimentality coming up and I feel like I would miss some of the good times in the clinic :SS Soooo strange, i can tell you this, because i end up feeling like a total mess, you know? ;) But my mum also told me about this kind of nostalgia she had after leaving her school (she was in a boarding school ) So after it is over, it seems like you would only remember ALL of the good and wonderful times you had there ;) so it can be called a sentimental flashback I think... :) but I know now what i want, and this is doing my apprenticeship, going out, having fun, living my real life :) going into a clinic only means again freezing all the things i have got here and go away for a limited episode of time :S and afterwards coming back and again starting at zero..... Never actually wanna do this and restart again :S
But I think such flashbacks and mixed feelings you can experience in many sectors of your life ;) just take a holiday as an example, but also maybe harmful memories, like the end of a relationship, you still have such days wishing back to those days, even though they may hurted yourself :S But this is human :) 

Because just at the moment I am more than ever so happy with all those current happenings here, and I feel like floating a little bit ;) Unsure where it takes me, but i know by the help of my family and friends it will take me somewhere wonderful :) Lets just hope for this ;) 
Love u all and wish you a great middle of the week ;) YOU ARE AWESOME *_*