Hey again:) your Nutella girl is still alive.. :D

❤️Huhuuuuuu you wonderful people!!!❤️ 

I absolutely don‘t know who is still there? Anyone? :D Hey Hey long time no see and no post i know! But all of this has good and bad personal aspects ;) 

Soooo much happened since my last post wow i just can´t really believe this… i am so sorry i let my blog (which means one in a million to me) unattended and alone for such a long time. I just scrolled my way through some old posts and acutally the beginnning of the nutella girl *_* feeling kind of sentimental now,… 

I went through so many emotional ups and downs with Miss Mager it kinda really makes me wonder how i survived ALL of that… I really can state that my mind really tried to kill me and woah hey guys i SURVIVED :) I am still ALIVE :D 

My blog is my baby and i am kind of proud of how many wonderful people i got to know by writing it and i am so honored by still staying in contact with some special ones :) Hey there Katarina you are meant by that : Just hi to my croatian girl *_*

So what actually happened since my last post at the beginning of 2021!! Omg now we have nearly the end of 2022…. 

SO first of all i think 2021 was by now one of the hardest years i lived in, because NEXT to battling anorexia so many harmful, horrible and hard things happened and also many changes i truly had to deal hard with.. 

So starting with the hardest: Shortly after my last post in february 2021 my mum unexpectedly had a heart attack one night… WOW this was such a shock for all of us and we were so worried about her!!! Luckily my mum is a fighter!!!! She battled herself her way through it even without any reha because of stupid corona rules and limitations :S I am soooo thankful to still have her i really fell in such a dark hole not knowing wheter she will make it.. 

Also ON the SAME day in that year our cute little bunny Klopfer (you see him in the last post as well) ran away and wasn´t able to be found… wow… this way day 0…i cried my eyes out..what the hell :( :S Also my beloved mini broke down the same month and i hardly had to say goodbye to so many things in my life :(( Luckily all in all my mum made it and we got her back :)

Yeah 2021 was shit.. even the weather acutally suited so well, here in Germany we had such a rainy and dusty summer with no sun and much thunderstorms.. So to continue BIG CHANGES were needed..

I decided after finally finishing my apprentice ship in da tax office (in february as well :D), i no longer wanted to work there and searched for a new job which may suits me better :) 

This was not really easy in times of corona as you may all know.. i finally found a job at a big local brewery where some office job in telephone pre-sale was free and luckily i got it!

But just wow never would have imagined how hard it would be to close that chapter in the tax office as well.. 

Announcing my termination felt so strange and also not knowing of it would be worth quitting was hard for me ;) As you know i am such a creature of habit ;) 

So starting on 1st september it almost felt unreal and the first days were really hard for me.. so many new people and so much to see, because it really is a big company compared to the small tax office :)

But after managing many interferences i know totally can say i truly like my job ;) especially in summer time when a lot of work is going on and i am totally occupied ;) 

Okay so i changed my job and with this not enough; in October our stupid (I dont know how to say it in english) the person who rents our appartment to us :) totally went crazy.. he wanted so much more money from us for some imaginary reasons.. so what was happening? We wanted to move out as soon as possible … so there was no other option than moving out :S 

Here we go again… this is now the 5th time i switched home in the last 4 years ;( crazy isn´t it? And for sure now this is the first time i have my own home together with my boyfriend :) So wow on to new adventures now ;) 

Wow so much blablaaa and this is only the end of 2021 ;) we now have october 2022 ;) Can you now relate why 2021 was like hell for me ? The Nutella girl who HATES any kind of change?

This is to continue..

but for now i need to come to an end and i wish you all my (few hopefully leftover) readers a wonderful evening and a good night ;) 

All my Best 

Ange xxx

Hellooooo again;) welcome 2021!!!!!

Huhuuuuu my wonderful people ;) MY unbelievable loyal and faithful readers *_* 

I caaaaaan´t really believe it is such a long loooongt time since my last post… WOW more than half a year ago.. at the kind of „beginnings“ of Corona… and now again we in Germany now have another lock-dock… Such a misere… and it already is january again :/

And now by times it feels so surreal what actually happens in the world— kind of like a bad dream.. 

2020 was such a mess and it feels like nothing is the same as before. All those somehow unlogical decisions and rules the politicans here in Germany reveal.. i really don´t get it..

But back to my blog :) I don´t really wanna talk about corona… ME MY LIFE AND I ;) 

Yeaaah well,… a lot of ups and downs appeared like nearly for everybody in 2020. Coping with all the measures was not so easy for me… but luckily i made it and also did not loose any weight!!!! Yes bye miss m you are fucked offffffff… no longer ruining my life..

But for real, anorexia is still present in my life and it often interrupts my thoughts and tortures my mind… tells me i am looking fat or makes me feel ugly in my body :(

For sure i know that these are just thoughts and i discover them.. but not believing what they tell me is often hard.. I am sooooo glad that i always have the back of my family <3 they always know how to keep me calm and stay in the present and move on :)

OHHH by moving on i also have to tell you some things i also changed in 2020!!!!! In July i moved in with my boyfriend! What a big step right.. At first i truly wasn´t sure if it would be the right decision because i was afraid of really making the step.. but yes i did it and we renovated a little appartement and i enjoy being there. And now in december my boy bought me suuuuch a cute little rabbit :) Klopfer :) he jumps around everywhere and is just sooo cheeky but OMG so sweeeet *_*Many changes over here you see… 

Something else that dominated 2020 was my final exams in November.. I had to write three written tests and now i am still waiting for the results.. i am not sure if i really passed them because one was soooo difficult :( so pleaaaase my honey bees press thumbs for me :) *_* i really would be happier than anyone else because making the apprenticeship with a one year interruption because of my anorexia would make me so prooud… :) Just hoping soo much i learned so many hours :S 

So and otherwise how are you? ;) Still making life go round? :) and how is corona affectiong yourself in your country? So curious to get to know it :) 

Here in Germany today sooo much snow is fallen ;) It loooks so cool like in a winter wonderland *_* 

Wish you all a lovely and warm sunday ;) and a good start into the new week of 2021 ;) let´s see what this year brings to us ;) 

XOXO Ange :) <3  

How to deal with an eating disorder in times of CORONA? :S

Heeey you peeeps :) 

So first of all i hope you all are still well-being and not sick or ill... in times like these i think people mostly realize that the most important thing for a long and happy life is really health!!!!! what happens these days truly seems so unbelievable and surreal i can´t tell you how strange and unfamiliar the world feels for me right now... and for sure you know what i am talking about: CORONA .... 

wow at first i thought what a hype... and not realizing how serious it actually is... i don´t know how it is at your country right now at the moment, but we here in Germany, especially i can talk from Bavaria right now, have an exit restriction.. which means we need to hold a space between each other of more than 1,5 meter but still not going out at all, except supermarkets, doctors and pharmacies.... now from next monday on we will also have the advice to wear face masks in supermarket and public transport.. this feels so strange like everyone would be toxic or poisonous.. So and as well many of you may also be clinged at home in home office as well.. for me and myself i need to say i am kind of really glad to still go to work in my tax office... of course with a lot of space in between each other ;) 
But i also was at home because of an laryngitis..and nearly me and my eating disorder really got into many differences and difficulties as well... being stuck at home alone felt like a personal confrontation with my ED again...because being home made me eat more and more because i also was bored as hell and felt shocked when i realized i gained weight and my trousers for the FIRST time in my ed did not fit any more i flipped out... my parents also are keen on keeping the 1,5 meters distance and so i only had my boyfriend as a escape route and a distancing from those negative thoughts and my self hate... For sure my parents also supported me as good as they could but i felt so clinged in betweeen the new me and miss m.... she really was loud as fuck
But i moved on... the only magic word for this is ACCEPTANCE.. you can choose to not accept it and will try against it but in the end you realize this is like walking in quicksand... there is no way out ... i need to accept it that being underweight is not normal and can´t be accepted any day in my life... again...

And i also can imagine many of those persons with mental problems had hard times in these days...especially because easter came and it all did not really felt like any celebration at all :S So happy easter by the way also ;) 

So a big big applause to all of you who kept their heads up and dealt with the new situation in the best way.. you know there are ups and downs and the voices are loud and sometimes you don´t hear them.. but each day the sun rises and you will be fine... 

And well yes-.. anorexia is the death itself...sooo always keep going :)

GOOOOOOOD EVENING YOU SWEET PEOPLE ;)

Yes, it is a fact: anorexia is the mental illness with the highest death rate ... I am so stunned by this sentence again and again, no matter in which relation and how often i hear it...:S 

I think this sounds so harmful and yes i can relate to this.. how often did i not know how to go on, trapped in my own head, banned by my own thoughts and rules i made in my head... Yes, a lot of people said to me i am stupid, crazy, dumb and stubborn.. but (maybe a little bit yes) no, it is an illness and all signs are on addiction... I am soo angry on those people who just always said to me and my parents, that i should just eat a little more (or to them: don´t you see your kid is dying of starvation?) What did you all think  saying such things? And thanks yes, i knew i had to eat "just a little more" and everything would have been fine again... NO, never.... 

Nobody in my surrounding did really know how to deal with it and when this lady from the advice center at first used the word: anorexia/ Magersucht in German.. me and my mum fell from heaven and i did not believe her... But yes, i really suited on EVERY sign of this list with the symptoms... I swear i never wanted to have something like this, i think nobody does, but coming up agains such a harsh rejection of the humans in my surrounding i was shocked. ..... yes i did at this point, weighting under 40 kg not see myself right in the mirror, but how some people acted towards me was frightening and disgusting.. i am so thankful they now are NOT longer in my life! 

But enough of this, yes i lost some people, i met in the clinic or somewhere else to anorexia... it really shocked me each time hearing it killed somebody i know again.. i was sooo close to death i know how it feels being so down... no matter how their life has ended, anorexia is never worth ending a life... so in my eyes she is the death itself.. a skinny, mean horror lady walking next to a good soul (that is how i always call those lovely people i met on my way in the clinic...)

I feel so sorry for each person who lost the battle against this monster, addiction in their head...Hopefully i am over the bridge now... ;) 

Wish you all, even though this was kind of a harsh and frightened post, a wonderful evening ;) But i needed to write it, because according to some friends of mine who again and again are in different clinics... which scares me and i never wanna go anywhere down there again ;) xxooxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxo 

HELLOOOOOOO 2020 lets see how you will be :D Times flies by so fast aaand Happy Nutella Day *_*

Huhuuuuuu honeys ;) 

Yes it is now already 2020 and i was right guessing in my last blog post of 2019 that i will be drunk on New Years Eve haha.. :D 
And yes it was muuuuch better than the year before :) And well for sure now it is a kind of weird feeling that a new year has begun... all the opportunities and duties it brings again.. kind of starting again from zero.. but thats just in my head i know.. it is not different in any way than it was on the 31st december... 
So why are people making up some intentions for new year? It feels like everybody wants to eat healthier or go in masses to the fitness center....?! Just wtf... I mean why at the beginning of a new year? Where is the sense? Such thoughts always bond people and as i am a person who easily gets caught in routine, this is confusing..i do not wanna start from zero each year.. i just want a whole flow from year to year month to month and day by day...

My new tattoo i made with my best friend ;)
She has a bee and i have the word HONEY ;) 

So now i already started this blog post about one month ago, it already is february and carnival has come ;) this weekend i was on my first carnival parade and realized how fast again time flew by, just living without MISS M right now fully at the moment ;) YES; i feel i totally got her at the moment ;) for sure she still is here and i feel her at some precious situations a lot, BUT all in all, i recognized i can dim her to the minimum down and ignore her ...;) yes the bad thoughts afterwards are still here, for example after a really challening meal like a typical german Zwiebelrostbraten with Käsespätze, what i ate at the birthday party of a friend ..) But i know how to deal with it and not restrict anymore again ;) 
All in all i must again say, that change is necessary to fully heal, just as this quote my therapist again and again told me says: "You can´t heal in an environment in which you got sick..." and well YES he is right ;) Never really believed this, but now i totally agree with it :) Being away from my old home and then moving in a new one.. yes it changed me and it was just the beginning of many following changes... But about this i will make another blog post again ;) Just not being in my old room again and such little things made it quiet a lot easier as i thought ;) 
Wooooow and now i wish you alsoooo a haaaaaaapppyyyyyy woorld NUTELLA DAY ;) Yes, this day always is marked in my calendar :DDDDD 
So guys, just keep eating NUTELLA and celebrate your life and this special day ;) because life is not bad always, this is just your thoughts about ;) 

Haha such a wise end of this post ;)))))))
WIsh you a wonderful night now ;) 

THIS WAS 2019 .... yeah ;) welcome home

Huuhuuu my sweet stuff :) 

First of all it OMG again (time went by so fast ...) Christmas Time is already over :) WOW ... 
And i hope that all of you had a wonderful time with your loved ones :) i absolutely had ;) 

Here in Germany no snow has fallen recently and so i am really exited when it is time for the first snow to fall down ;) 

Recently i noticed that now over a year ago i moved to Munich an puuh it feels like time went by so fast i never would have thought i live here since half a year now already ... 
And i totally can say: I am soooooo happy i made the step and moved out there! For nothing in the world i would go back there and the last half year at home showed me so much of how amazing and stunning life can be.. As i already said in the last posts, i got to know so many new gorgeous and impressing people, made friends and shared so many great evenings, nights with them :) But i also noticed how good and calming it feels to reunite with some old mates ;) 
This year truly marks a world for me... i made good and bad experiences, from which i all in all learned a lot.. about me and also about others :D 

Haha and now it seems like ages ago, that last new years eve i had to do an alcohol test, because this was forbidden and i got a roasting from the bosses of the wg, because me and a friend did drink a bottle of wine together :) Hahaa ;) what a start of 2019 :DD
SO i truly am sure that this year will end different :DDDD most probably with something to drink in both hands ;) 
So cheers to this :) 

And also a lot of people now ask me if i actually feel at home here in this little village in our house? And well, YES i absolutely do! Nowhere i would rather live now.. i have my own space and company if i want some ;) This year had so many changes that i now found time to just settle in and look along where i wanna be and what i wanna do ;) I broke up with Munich, moved here, made a reintegration in my old job and continued my paused apprenticeship in a completely new class ;) and most of all i did not fall back into old habits like my therapist warned me... i have a new surrounding here and try to make everything a little different than 2 years ago :) 
Thanks for all of you ;) and if i say all, i mean ALL of you ;) 

Wish you a wonderfuul night now and i think i won´t blog this year once more, so i wish all of you a happy new year with new chances, choices and most of all wonderful moments to live for ;) xxx

Lost in LISBOOOOON :) yes kind of ;)

Well yeah ähm long time no see... yes i was a little bit absent on here, because i absolutely had no idea of what to write about.. i started like 4 blog posts but did never finish them because i lost the thread :S 

So now i will make this one ready to read ;) 

Because all of my other started posts were sooo serious, i decided to do one about something not so serious, just more fun and maybe also interesting to read :) 

It will be about my trip to LISBON just few days agoooooooo ;) 

Well actually the whole trip was very spontaneous planned, because my mum found a reeeeaally cheap Ryanair flight (one flight for one person only was 25€ and we already booked it at the beginning of september :O) and so i gave it a goo ;) Yeah well, as i may once wrote down, my relatives live near the city center of Lisbon and this always is a reason to go there ;) We only meet up very rare, like twice or a little more often each year :) 

So the flight was on early sunday morning and i had such a hangover :D haha typically me i was feeling so ill the whole day :D But nevertheless, we made the best of it ;) Arriving in Lisbon we went to LX Factory, which can be described as a very cool old fabric complex where now some artists made cute little shops and such stuff ;) It really was lovely and i liked it ;) And Haha the weather ;) YES, me and the weather, the forecast was sooo bad for the whole week, like only rain and freeezy for this part of the world ;) But we were quite lucky, because we had much sun as well and not as much rain as it was said ;)

 

The next day my aunt and cousin took us to kind of a "lost place", it was such a panorama hotel, LEFT, like it was empty with soo many cool and fascinating graffiti all over, it was sooo stunning to see... a hotel with view to the ocean, left and painted ;) I loved it ;)

We also went to the Beach at a little city nearby ;) it was called Sesimbra ;) And the weather was great ;) HAha ;) But then on tuesday all the rain came down ;) So we decided to go by metro to the biggest shoopping center in Lisbon, COLOMBO ;) Wow, it was so big, i was desortiented ;) but still amazing ;) On the next day, it still seemed not so good, so we went to another shoopping center at the EXPO area ;) And afterwards we went to the inner city to go to HARD ROCK CAFE, where we always buy some cool stuff and memories ;)

On our last full day in lisbon my cousin took us out again and he showed us another LOST place, a left restaurant at the top of the city with an amaaazing view on the whole city ;) WOW ;) and also so many stunning graffiti ;) can´t believe it was left ;)

we also went for a coastal drive with him and had a wonderful afternoon ;) In the evening our portugese relatives took us out for dinner ;) at a rooftop bar with stunning view as well called "LOST in " (haha again LOST, this seemed to be the motto of this trip ;))

On Friday we again went for a little shopping and then to the airport, and safely landed in the evening again ;) WOW, being only one week away felt like i have seen so many things i completely felt flashed and it was good taking a little break from daily life ;) 

It sometimes may felt hard for me leaving my comfort zone, but all the memories i made totally were worth it ;) So always keep in mind, sometimes you have to leave your safe place to LIVE ;) Wish you a wonderful good night now ;) xxxxxxxx <3