It is thaaaat day again :)

HAAAAAAAAPPY WORLD NUTELLA DAY!!!!!!!!!

Huhuuu my Sweetiiies :) 

Just shortly stopping again by and wanted to wish you a wonderful World Nutella Day at the 5th of february ;)
I nearly would have forgotten about it (shaaaame on me :D) but thanks to modern internet, i glady was reminded ;) So i wish you a wonderful chocolatey day now, and enjoy your spoon of Nutella ;) For sure you will looooove it ;) And always remember: Nutella can save lives :) 

Here in Germany we at the moment have a special offer of creating our own personal
Nutella jar and so i did my own ;)

Puuuh I was having the fluuuuu :S :(

Helloooooooo my cuuties ;) xxx

Yes, the topic mostly describes it perfectly, doesn´t it? :D 
Oh i can tell you, i haven´t had fever since over 3 years or something like that, but last week on wednesday it really hit me.... :S 
It all started with kind of a confusing feeling of dumbness all over on tuesday evening, and then on wednesday when i stood up i felt really strange, so i decided not to go to work and chill ;) and then around lunchtime i suddenly felt so cold inside, like i was shaking and felt like i never would be warm again, even layered with 3 wool blankets and a hot water bottle :S so we measured my temperature and it was like 38,3 and my head felt like it was going to explode :S okaaay so the rest of the day and the next three ones was on the couch and in the bed :S not leaving the house any time felt so confusing for me:S and so on sunday when i finally thought i was over the worst part of it, i started sneezing and coughing :( haaha like everything would like to hit me in one week :) 
But nevertheless, it all passes and this week i already was fit as half a fiddle again :S Haha :D 

Chilling my time with my great company my cat Bobbel;) 

Sooomething i really realized at being sick is aaaagain (who wonders?:D) who really cares about you and your well being and blessing and how important ones health truly is :) You know what i mean? I starved myself so much the past few years with eating less and less and when something like a flu hits me i worry about myself ;) for me realizing this absolutely made me feel like a full idiot :) I mean, why am i concerned about my health when i can´t change something about being ill, but choosing to make me feel sick, powerless, hungry and starving is okay? Puh this really made me think again, how unbelievably harmful the own mind can be........
SO never look back, only in front!!!!!!
Wish you now a wonderful weekend my dears ;) Is carnival also celebrated in your country? ;) here it is starting right now ;) with all the costumes ;) I am going to do a devil :) HAAHa ;) 
xxxxx

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because to them you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup ;)

Heeeeey guuuuys :) 
You know this feeling when everything sucks and sometimes the world doesn´t really make so much sense? You think only karma tries to hit you and nobody else? 

Yes, okay so i think everybody by time (some maybe more than others, but anyway i think you know what i mean with it) feels shitty and like all people bounded together against yourself ... 
Sorry for those negative words and this also might not be a too happy post today, but i need this now :) 
Of course looking back i always a option to motivate myself again and making sure i wont get back to the worst point of my life so far, but where actually is the direction i wanna go...
This sometimes seems so blurred for me.....
Because on one side, i have such a clearly possible way i can go straight ;) I have a job, i am an apprentice there, i have a wonderful family, friends and people who care for me... SO what else do i want more or what do i expect from my life? Why am i unhappy sometimes and think about so much shit....????Can somebody please explain this to me?

So i simply think i am too much kind of a sensitive person who takes too many things way too personal and get emotional after it :) so for example today i came home from work and mam made dinner and i was so stressed out from my day, but why? :) I didn´t do anything else than every day, but got so emotional? Why???? Because i noticed again and again today how selfish and arrogant many of my so called "friends" are sometimes ;) I hope now nobody takes this personal in any way, but why cant some people simply not keep their thoughts by themselves when they have nothing too nice or even neutral to say? I don´t know why they always wanna tell me there opinion about every stupid topic?! I realized this at work today, because one colleague didn´t show up at work and just told it to our chief that she won´t come today, and all the other ladies were angry and annoyed that she had not told it them as well ;) like what should she send everyone a personal message??? And i couldn´t really believe they talked about this a few times today and made nasty rewards about her..... SO this is my question: Why do others always have to meddle in personal things or say their certain opinion about anything which shouldn't even bother them? 
Another big topic in this for me is, that because the people think: Like she is the ill and sick one, the psychotic girl, they can always tell me their opinion about how i look ;) they think they know me so well that they can judge me because of my past so much... I hate this :( as some better known person some time ago told me: Oh you still look skinny, how is life going? Are you doing hard at the moment? ;) And i was like : "What do you want from me?" Because i was not struggling at all at the time she asked me :) in German i always say (because in my ears it sounds muuuuch more dramatic haha;)) : Warum müssen die Menschen eigentlich immer ihre Gosch/ihr Maul ausleeren?" or: "Wenn man nichts Nettes zu sagen hat, soll man den Mund halten!" 

Soooo this is my liiiiittle little bit negative word for the start of this hopefully nice week ;) haha sarcastic ;) Sending you lots of loooove xxxxxxxxxxx

Because the world is not always only sunshine and pink ponies.......

2017!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Huhhuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu my cuties ;) 
I all wish you a great, happy, memorable, adventurous, amazing year 2017 ;)

2016 and all its memories, moments, happenings is gone now... this always kind of brings me into confused feelings :S because on the one side i am glad that it is over, but on the other hand i am thankful everything happened its way like it did ;) Okay but i already wrote kind of a post like this ;) haha so moving on to new things in a NEW YEAR :D

New year = New chapter? Maybe, i am not so sure about this, but in many ways 2017 is another beginning, a new chance for changing and growing ;) A new needn´t be a new chapter but it is a chance to leave the old behind step by step and move on ;) towards new directions and opportunities ;) this could be moving on in recovery of an illness, welcoming new people in your life, letting go of some as well, who proved you are better without and also letting new emotions and feelings in ;) 

out of our kitchen window :) 

So I hope you spent such a lovely, carefree and wonderful christmas time with your loved ones and were able to grab some presents haha :D and simply relax a little bit ;) Here in Germany we didn´t have a "white christmas" but now since a few days the temperature fell down to -20 degrees and it snowed like a little snow globe wonderland ;) I LOOOOOVE the snow ;) but i hate the freeeeezing coldness ;) especially this arctic cold we have at the moment ;) 

Winter wonderland Germany :D 

Sooooo but honestly my deeeears I am sitting in front of this post nearly since the first days of january and i am so unsure of what to write :S You see this is kind of a cuddle muddle at the moment :( I don´t know what does not bore you.. because i already rambled so much about my personal life and also my steps in becoming rid of my sick illness :S I am currently simply indecisive of what i should tell you :S FUuuuuck, because writing is so great for me :) 
So maybe i write down some goals or ideas for 2017 like it would truly suit at the beginning of a year, even though, as i just said, this does´t really mean a new chapter for me okay? ;) and i would be very happy and pleased if you write down some of yours as well? ;) Hehee and now read it without blaming me for it, because some can sound quite embarrassing :DD

travel to New Zealand, Florida, Miami, CA, or the Caribic :), risk something in a personal way, get my tattoo, reach a goal, do a service job just for fun, say yes, learning to be in peace with myself, sunbathing, telling somebody my opinion directly in the face,......

Haha i don´t know, this is just not so working ;) i wish you all the best being better than me in this try ;) Wish you all a wonderful night now ;) xxxxxxx

MERRY CHRISTMAAAS EVERYBODY *_*

Joseph von Eichendorff

Markt und Straßen stehn verlassen,
Still erleuchtet jedes Haus,
Sinnend geh’ ich durch die Gassen,
Alles sieht so festlich aus.

An den Fenstern haben Frauen

Buntes Spielzeug fromm geschmückt,Tausend Kindlein stehn und schauen,
Sind so wunderstill beglückt.

Und ich wandre aus den Mauern
Bis hinaus in’s freie Feld,
Hehres Glänzen, heil’ges Schauern!
Wie so weit und still die Welt!

Sterne hoch die Kreise schlingen,
Aus des Schneees Einsamkeit
Steigt’s wie wunderbares Singen –
O du gnadenreiche Zeit!

Huhuuuuuu my amazing wonderful honeys ;) 

I just want this to be a short post to wish you all the very best, wonderful, calm, holly, merry merry christmas ;) I hope you can enjoy the festivities with your beloved ones and receive many presents and share smiles with each other ;) 

This poem is a german one and it is one of my very favorite ones ;) it is all about the spirit of christmas and describes a man who walks through a festively lit town and out on a calm field and simply feels the magic of christmas itself in these moments of joy ;) 

So always keep in mind what it really is about in life ;) And i also said to my mummy the other day, for me after this year, it isn't about one special festivity, or day ;) because i simply feel it more now, that every day is special and matters ;) if it was a good day, be happy with it, and if it was a bad one, be calm with yourself, because tomorrow is another day and another chance for you to make it a good one ;) 

So I wish you a nice christmas festivity and share this time of the year with the ones you LOVE ;) MERRY CHRISTMAS ;) xxxxx All my love ;) 

People come and people go, but memories stay forever :) and important people stay :)

Huhuuuuuu my christmas angels *_* 

Only 10 days until christmas, is this even possible? AAAAAAH :D and still so many many things to do and arrange :S or is it different for you? :) Foor me now it means it is now time for the final dash of the year 2016 :) On Facebook I recently saw a pic: 

In English this means:Unbelievable to see who you started and who you
finish your year with :)

I think this one is so right: Maybe you just also take a look back to the beginning of your year :) who was there at this time for you? :) For me this really is kind of amazing, because at the beginning of 2016 i was a fall apart, shy, embittered, lonely, lost girl, who was celebrating New Year´s Eve with some other sick patients in a clinic battling against my eating disorder... I was just a small, shrunken shadow of myself :S I feel so shameful, bbad and sorry for all of this and the things I have done to my beloved ones.... :( 
But not only I was different, just like the quote says: who was there for me? Puh this is easily countable at one or two hands :) many people left in my life through the illness, because they couldn´t handle the coldness and sickness of me being Miss Mager in a full-time job :S I really felt somehow left alone and all I had was my wonderful wonderful amazing family ;) They are truly the world and anchor for me :) They (next to Nutella :D haha saved my life =)) 

Looking back now, I feel this loneliness so much ... But so this is why I am so confused for so many moments right now:( maybe this is hard to explain, but I sometimes/very often can´t deal with my inner happiness, relaxation, and the people who truly seem to like me :) the real Ange ;) without Miss Mager speaking out of her :) For me this is like a wonder, that people wanna spend time with me and welcome me at their surroundings and friends ;) Maybe you know this feeling? ;) I am somehow soo overwhelmed by the love and of many people, because in the past i had to deal so much with the hate and the rejection of a lot of people ;) Oh damn, this is so hard to form in words ;) All in all I just wanna say thank you so much for making me see the change in your faces ;) And even if i know that I still have such a long and even confusing way in front of me, I still look back with patience and now for the first time i want to share with you a picture where I wish and hope you can see a little change i made in this whole year 2016 ;) I feel a little bit unsure about this, but i think the end of this year may be an option of sharing it with you ;) :S 

Puuuuh i am sorry again for such a confusing post ;) but here is so much going on in my head and I simply enjoy sharing it all with you my shining ones :) *_* 
Wish you now a wonderful, cosy and enjoyable evening ;) I am still need to learn a little bit for my exam in tax advice on friday ;) but thereby i will listen to christmas songs :) *_* Love u xxxxxxxxxxx :-*

1st Deceeeeember *_*

Huhhuuuuuuuu my Angeeeeeels :-*

Are you already in Christmas mood? :) I definitively have to admit, that I still try to get into it :) buuuut I nevertheless decorated our whole house with little christmas decorations like pinecones, candles, and many other cheesy decorations haha :D but even though one second before i told you i am not so much in the mood, i still am so happy that today on the 1st of December (OMG where is the whole year gone? :S can´t believe it is already the end of 2016 :D) 
So to keep you a little bit updated in my life :) I amm really really happy at the moment ;) because i kind of feel more free at the moment because i left some things in the past now, which were really bothering me for the last few weeks now ;) i do not wanna go into details, because this was something very personal and i am glad i broke it up now ;) so i feel free on this topic again now and also i feel so much more being free, going out and having fun ;) I feel so much more confident and this uplifts me so much ;) *_* 
But what else is going on? :) next week i have my first exams in school ;) in a subject which is called "Allgemeine Wirtschaftslehre" could maybe be translated as general business theory (it is very boring haha ;D) ;) and i hope it will be okay ;) 

Sooooo but also today I got such a sweet wake up :) when I came down to make my brekkie I already opened the 1st door of my self bought advent calendar ;) which contains old vintage style pictures and each day you receive a little letter or a card with a sweet nostalgic poem, quote or saying ;) today it was such a cute one from Christian Morgenstern ;) which I knew from my childhood but haven´t heard for such a long while ;) also the surprise was my mummy and daddy bought me a biiiiiiig advent calendar with real handmade truffle pralines *_* which i will enjoy noooow this year!!!!!! Not like last year whereas this whole christmas time i was in the clinic..... :S Also my mam gave me a wonderful mandala advent calendar, where i can color each day a new one and put it in a frame ;) such a cute idea isn´t it? 

So this is the one with the truffleeees :) and in the back you
can see our advent wrath with the 4 candles ;) 

Hahaa and bexause i am such a crazy girl ;D I also bought myself a small one with one earring for each day ;) those are just such small symbols like stars, snowflakes, diamonds, etc..... so i will change one of my earrings each day ( by the way in the whole i have 5 ear holes:S heheee so i can change many varieties ::)

The one in the middle is the earring one and the one on the right the mandala ;) 

And the best follows now: Call me crazy ;) buuuuuut every year (with the exeption of last year) I (and my sister in earlier years as well) build up one of my two playmobil toy advent calendars ;) :D OMG :) but i am such a little girl according to this ;) every year i put it up and place each figure and toy at its place in the stage ;) :D childish isn´t it? ;) but i enjoy being that little girl again each year ;) 

this is the nostalgic one with the cute letters ;) 

Just a short blink in my room now ;) 

Sooo much for this day now ;) Hahaa aand something to today i also wanna share with you my loveliiiiies ;) TODAY was the day i baked my first ever irish guinness bread ;) all alone by myself ;) hahaa i just was in the mood and never baked some bread before but i saw we had guinness at home and read a recipe on the interner and now we will see how it turned out ;) ahha master chief is calling :) ääääh no rather not !!!!!

I wish you all a wonderful, christmas time with many happy days now ;) xxxxxxx enjoy <3