Reminder: Who is ANGE?

Heeeey my cutieeeeeepies :)
It´s me agaaaaaaaaaain!!!!!!!!! But wait: is this really the Ange I wanna be? Or am I just wishing and pretending to be that gal? :( 
No, today I definitively thought of remembering and reminding myself of WHO so truly is me? The real ANGE=) Not a fake skinny, pale version of her!!! 



Beeeecause in reality and real life she is......
....a girl who loves to be happy and smiles about so many many things 
... someone who is thankful for having the life she lives at the moment: every day agaiiin
...a person who easily enjoys making jokes and conversations and hardly can shut up her 
   mouth from babbling and talking
...who would die for a holiday: no matter where
.... who just lives for beautiful beaches, sunrises and sunsets over the ocean and the sea, 
     shopping, chilling, eating, old castles, new routes, small cottages, huuuuge cliffs, strong    
     waves, breezer, short trousers, greeeeen fields, tiny roads, spooky houses, beautiful 
     flowers, colorful houses, friendly people, open arms, deep hugs, honest smiles and true
     laughter!!!!!!!!!!!
... a girl who gives a damn on what other people think of her!
....someone who never wanted to be part of anything super duper in community
...a person who enjoys eating sweet stuff 
...someone who never wanted/tried to be the best in anything or any competition
...a gal who is honest and has no reason to cheat

...who actually just wants to be herself!!!!!! That is what she always wanted and lost herself 
   on the way of getting there ;) Sadly but true........
But I promise you my readers, I will do everything that will be necessary for becoming this girl again ;) even though on some parts of my journey the way seems so dark and all goals seem unreachable, I never will allow myself to give up on becoming this strong girl again ;) Always remember your roots! 

Because always keep in mind: God gave the hardest battles to his strongest warriors ;) 
So let´s fight together my sweeties ;)
Love u all and wish you a nice evening ;) 
xxx

How to stay motivated even through some very bad times .. =)

Hey cuuuties :)
So I don´t want this to be such a negative post, but I feel not so good at the moment to be honest.... :( 
in the night of the 3rd of September it all went on very fast and my granny passed away...
I maybe told you about her stroke about a month ago, but she actually was on the way of getting better again, but then something went wrong again and she got worse and worse...:( so I really miss her now and I think I did not realize it properly now that she actually is gone now... :( but I still have to keep my head up, for my whole family!!! 

Sooo how to stay motivated in such hard times? Puh such a tough question I think, but most important is to always tell yourself that everyone is worth living a beautiful live and after again now seeing my granny suffer so bad, it again became more clearly to me how important it is to take care for oneself :) so trying everything to stay as healthy as possible and not hurt myself by restricting food or banning myself into ED-related thoughts :) 
Seeing someone else being hurt, hurts so much, so I really have to imagine how it would be if I would be the one who suffers..... :( so no more restricting.... Want to be out of this underweight zone... but if this only would be as easily done...... I HATE IT SO MUCH :( 
Oh my lovelliiiiiies sorry for being so rude, but I honestly don´t understand this illness anymore, because I am so enerved of it and still am not able to as simple as it sounds bann it out of my life--> WHY? 

So my huns, this post is dedicated to my grandma and all my family, as we now really have to stay strong and stand together ;) I love you all so much and I am so glad to have you, you really all mean the world to me :) See life as something beautiful, which definitively is worth living it to its fullest!!! 

Liebster Award!!!! *_*

OMG ****__******
Hey my Cuties ;)
This feels so special for me, but lovely Annie from http://adiostoanorexia.blogspot.de nominated me for the so called "Liebster Award" and I am so so happy about this :) THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH!!!!
So now my job is to answer the few questions Annie asked me to do and for sure I will give it a gooooo!
So let´s do this *_*:

What has inspired you to get into blogging?
Uh this is such a though one already, I mean I knew that I had to change something in my life, just as I newly was diagnosed with anorexia in May last year... So I needed some form of distraction, as I anyhow had to cope with the new food intake and the new snacks in between my meals... So I read a lot in the internet and found other recovery blogs and got inspired, just as I also noticed how much they helped meee coping with my feelings, I also wanted to help others by sharing my experiences and happenings throughout recovering :) So this basically was my intention ;) I wanted to help others and also helping me by writing my thoughts down, which helps so much and I only can recommend this to you my Sweeties ;) 

How did you come up with the title of your blog?
Hahaaaa I think you all know it, right? ;) heeehe but I love the fact, that this little cute tiny Nutella toast, which I ate with a fork and a spoon was the beginning of my own journey of getting out and rid off this terrible illness!!!;) I absolutely noticed, that just because of Nutella I am still alive, and I am so thankful for my parents of making me eating it ;) 





Do you have any pets? If so, what kinds and what are their names? 

Oh I love such cute questions;) I have two cats at the moment :) one male one, who is so cuddly and lovely and is called Bobbel :) and another cat lady who is called Nudley ;) (you better don´t ask yourself where those funny names come from, because this is a really long and funny story :D) 







What is your favorite quote today? 
"Reach as high as you can, and then reach a little higher. There you will find magic and possibility. And maybe even cookies." :D 

If you had a superpower what would it be? 
Oh okaaaay.... Hm I don't really know, but maybe that I have the ability to look in the future or turn back into the past to make things change or different ;) I think this would be very very helpful :D

Who is your favorite author/writer/journalist? 
Puuuuh I don´t actually have a favorite one, because I also don´t really have any kind of preferred genre in reading, like romantic stories or thrillers... I like reading both types of books most and there are so many good writers and authors... :) 

What is your favorite poem?
As I am not so known in literature and poems in general, I simply choose one, which I think sounds very beautiful and I think it is so nice to imagine it ;) it may be a german poem, but I also think it sounds inspiring in english as well: it is from Eichendorff and is called "Moonlit Night"

What is your favorite place that you have travelled to?
Ooooooh as you maybe know there are so many many for me!!!!!!!! I love traveling so much and I loooove being on the run ;) so I loved being in Ireland, Scotland, Wales, USA, Portugal, Italy, France, Croatia, Sardegna, England, Sweden, Norway,...... All I love!!


If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you choose to live?
Puh this is a really really though one! I could´t ever decide I think, because on the one hand I would love to live in a mediteranean country where the weather is warm, but on the other I would choose the stunning and beautiful charme and landscape of GB or Ireland ;) or maybe I also would love to live in the USA? OOOh, I don´t really know :D haha

Do you have a favorite art work or museum gallery? 
Hahaa no I don´t think so... :D

Favorite sport to watch on television?
Puh I don´t watch many sport shows on TV, so I probably would go for soccer :) 

Soooooo my honeybees, this was it about me and thanks again for such wonderful award, this really touched me:) !! *_* 
Hope you all have a wonderful week ;) 
xxx

Typical Germanish thingiiiiiies *_*

Hellooooou my honeys *_* 
I know every native english speaking person now may thinks I am weird or I can´t speak any proper English according to the heading of this post ;) buuuuuut haha be sure, I know that these words doesn´t really exist in that form, I just wanted to go on a little bit as some of you suggested to me to write a little bit more about our German culture or typical German things :) 
So I decided today to maybe clear up about some well known widespread clichés which are existing about us Germans :) 

• OMG *_* we are always and constantly eating Weißwurst, Wurst(sausage), Fleisch, Schnitzel, Sauerkraut, Kartoffelsalat, Brezen, Brot(bread), Leberkäse, drinking Bier(beer) and sitting in the Biergarten (beer garden?)! Haahaa this is so funny in my opinion, because everyone thinks we are doing this all the time, but this is just as so many other things happening to mostly special occasions or really not just all the time ;) of course everyone by times enjoys having a beer or sit together with others outside a restaurant and enjoying food and drinks, bu this is just a part of our culture and I really must say I really like it by times as well, as it is always so much fun having it ;)
  
• So it is as well with going into a Bierzelt or a Volksfest like the Oktoberfest in Munich or the Plärrer in my hometown Augsburg for example ;) I really love such festivities, as everyone is having a Maß Bier (=1 liter beer or any form of beer in a Maßkrug), and simply having a careless and free time! I don´t know if anyone of you ever has been to something like it, but you should definitively come over to Bavaria and give it a try ;) simply tell me, I´ll bring you there :) 
• Another cliche which is related to this as well is that women always wear a Dirndl and the men a Lederhose ;) haha this maybe also is true, but this is more common only in the south and Bavaria, where I live ;) Of course, we own them, and I also looooove wearing mine, but also this is to be worn also only occasionally ;) 
• We are very punctual, elderly, reserved and cold ;)Sooo many many people think of us like this, but to be honest, I also have to agree on this in some way, but of course also disagree, as I am a German gal too ;) haha :D No, I mean, I also think the people at other countries, such as Britain, Ireland, ....are so much more open and friendly, polite and welcoming ;) But of course, this may seems regional differently and I can´t generalize it ;) 
• We love Football ;) I am sure, I am definitively not loving it, but for sure, there are many many people which love it and there often is such a hype about it ;)

So what do you actually think about those? Are they true and are there specific ones about your country which are funny or definitively worth sharing them? I love getting to know such cultural specifics ;) they fit so much often and also respeak each other by times ;) 
Wish you a good night now my honeys :) <3

I really hope you can read it, because of the quality of the picture but I had to laugh so much finding this
on the internet ;) haha especially the irish one is so funny in my opinion :) 

Feeling guilty

Huhuuuu Sweeties :-*
How are uuuuu? Hopefully you are enjoying your holidays or deal good with your work or job :) 
Today I thought I would love to write about the feeling and emotion of feeling guilty....
But not only because of your ED, also in general topics and such stuff :)
Because I am a person who always kind of reflects the mood of others on my own actions, which is not so good because I often think if somebody is in a bad mood, just because of anything, it would be my fault :( this happens to me so oooooften, I don´t know, how is this at yourself? ;) Are you also projecting everything on yourself? =( 

This already was a problem before my ED started I think, because I always tried my best to push up the mood of for example my BF or somebody else :( this was just so typical for me and still is to be honest....
But I need to learn and always have in my mind, that there are so many many reasons why people can be in a bad mood or react emotionally :( There can be such a ridiculous reason behind it, but also a deeper one like other worries they have :) maybe it is only they did not sleep very well, but it needn´t has to do something with me or you :) this is something I really have to practice on, because I now know that it should be my goal to make ME happy and not try to please everyone else or make them happy :) 

So how to deal with this little advice? I don´t actually know, but maybe I will now focus so much more on having some great time with others without even worrying what I can probably do wrong or maybe make any mistakes.. Also I do have to stop worrying about the fact of being boring and asking myself why people wanna spent time with me :) it could be so simple! they probably spend time with me, because they like me, it could be simple and to be honest, why always complicating everything in life? Must that be? 
This is so me.... What about you hunniiiies? :) <3
Wish you a lovely Saturday :) Keep spreading Nutellaa *_*
xxx

Shooting stars and other wishes *_*

Heyheey my Darlings :) 
I don´t know if it also was announced so often or it also was visible, but here in Germany last night a big clear night full of shooting stars was announced :) 
Soooo as you all know a shooting star makes one dream come true when you wish yourself one :)

Hahaa so we were very excited, because this year I and my family really could need a bit of luck and a few wishes :) there on the one hand is my illness, which all hurts us so much and is so harmful to live with :( but now on Monday my grandma had a terrible stroke/apoplexy and is in hospital now :( She seems like an entirely different person and can´t move, speak, eat or see anymore properly :( so she gets feeded by tube and it is so painful to see her suffer right now :( so everyone is suffering much more now as well and it really gets so painful mostly for my mum :( I feel so so sorry for her and I really try my best to support her, but I still do so many mistakes in recovery and so mama here is to you: Es tut mir alles so so Leid und ich hoffe wir schaffen das zusammen alles. 
So I guuuuuess honeys,  you all know now why we searched for shooting stars yesterday night :) and when I then went to bed I finally saw a little one through my window :) 
-> Of course I took the chance and wished wished wished wished...... :)
Maybe my dream will come true :) let´s hoope for it :) So let my know my honeybees, did you see a shootingstar? :) 
Wish you all a lovely day <3
xxx Stay strong against Miss Mager and all traps life offers us :) 

Why does gaining weight must be so hard? :(

Hey hunnybunniiiiies :) *_*

Oh it is so so hot momentaneously in Germany and we have about 35° everyday :) Oh I love the suuuuuuuuun so much and I enjoy relaxing in the sun so much :) but today it really is tooooo hot, you can´t really leave the house without getting sunburnt :( 

But there is not always time to relax and chill..... I still have to do 3 essays for my studies :)and I also fight everyday with eating :) now I drink two of such well known gaining drinks everyday and I hope so much they will finally work now and I am able to trick at Miss Mager and kick her fucking skinny butt!!! (haha sorry for my rude words, but I hate this bitch!!!!=))
But honestly, why is gaining weight such a hard process? I mean I always get glanced from strangers and also known people and am told like: "Why does she not eat? She only has to eat, that can´t be hard at all" --Oh but I truly can tell you, it is not that easy unfortunately.... I hate getting such comments and they always really hurt me as well... Did you also make the sad experience of getting told such things like: "How stupid is she? She only has to eat and is not able to it..."
but recovery is not only about just eating :( there are so many processes and stupid things happening in your head, you can´t really put into words or show :( 

So recovery is not only eating food and then you are healthy, NO it definitively needs so so much willpower to stand up everyday again and remind yourself that you can´t stay at your momentaneous situation and for changing you NEED to gain weight :) Only then you fully will be healthy :) and of course you have to want it for yourself :) nobody else gains anything if you eat, only you become a normal girl again, and this is what really counts! Realizing this is not easy, but I believe in us, my cutiepies :) we are strong and this should be our mantra :) never loose hope! So do you have any special tips for me of how you are gaining weight easily? =) I mean which foods do you enjoy most and can cope with them better than with others? :) Thaaaaank you so much in advance! 
And don´t give a damn of what others think of you! They don´t know you personally and they don´t have any experience with the illness at all :) so be yourself!!! 
xxx