How are u? Enjoying this hot summer (at least we have a really burning one this year=))?
Hmmm i would say i do it partly :S because i am still in the clinic (nearly fucking 6 months now) but i try to spend my time the best way here at the lake or with some nice people/ fellow patients ;) Something which really makes me happy about this is, that these girls/and boys truly give me the feeling of being accepted and welcomed :D Because this feeling (even though for some of you this may sound strange and not comprehensibly, but for me it is not given for sure that i feel liked and accepted by some groups of "friends" (or should i rather say strangers? :O)
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| Even though we don´t know each other for so long we all come along so well and are happy for having each other |
So here in the clinic i got to know that this is not something uncommon for sufferers of anorexia or other mental illnesses... A low selfworth, self-esteem, no self love and especially no confidence or the feeling of being liked :S sounds hard doesn´t it? For me it did, because at first i couldn´t really believe that soo many of the other girls suffer from the same feeling of being not worth enough for others... being less good than my friends or getting on the nerves of the others by just being with them...
As a result of that i always enquire wheter it TRULY is okay for the others that i am with them and ask this kind of a 10000 times.. until i really am getting on their nerves... you know what i mean?
Because why the hell should somebody of my FRIENDS (?!) be angry with me just because i am spending time with them? This is so fucking true but i always reinsure if it really is okay being there... OMG... And i am dealing so hard with this, but it sounds understandable that i am not their problem if they feel angry for whatever reason... :) All of this is a sign of a low self esteem... even though i am really being talkative and babbling all the time with others, i still am thinking way too much about it afterwards and thereby.. because why can´t i simply enjoy a moment which i spend with the peoople i like?
Puuuuh i am not getting the point in this blog entry i think... Huuuuups i am so sorry, i hope you still understand what i was trying to tell you with it :)
YOU are NOT the problem of the bad mood of some others- YOU are welcomed in a group of people you like- and YOU are worth sooo much! And without you somebody would be missed in this big world :DDD *puuuuuhexhalingdeeply* So this is my word for this hot sunday evening ;)
Wish you all a wonderful new week ;)
xxxxxx
Special thank to Mum and Dad who visited me today! Was such an awesome day with u <3
