Risk something ;) either it is a lesson or a blessing ;) Dare it or loose it

Huhuuu my loves ;) 

Soooo hello agaiinn ;) it has been quite a few weeks since my last post, but i had a lot to think, to do and figure out.. I made some really new experiences and i actually can say: Yeah i lived :O soomehow i think ;) Maybe not the life of a 24 year old woman, but hey maybe the life of a 18 year old one ;D You can think about this the way you want, i won´t explain it any further :D Just like the title says, either you try it and it is a lesson and you grow at or you just have some fun and a good time ;) 

Back in the game ;)

Sooo but i also started aaagain  with my apprenticeship and so also vocational school (don´t actually know how to say it in english=)) and i must say i was so afraid of this, because i only had so many negative experiences with my illness there and i hated each day i had to go there ;) Now i am at a different class, with many newwww people and i also was the new one again, because the others already knew each other from the year before and i was so afraid not to find connection to them, but i just sat down and a very funny polish girl sat next to me and i started talking to her..  we came along so well and we nearly spend all the time together which is a really positive experience so far ;) Lets see how this continues and how i deal with the learning and so on and on ;) Just not breaking my head for this ;) 

Sooo what i actually wanted to point out with this blog entry: I wanted to show up all the risks of staying in your comfort zone ;) Yeaah all the risks because you will miss a lot if you stay in your little snake house not moving out and making new experiences ;) 
For sure they can go wrong ... so hardly :S and they dammitly can hurt yes... but well then it was a lesson... you can make it different the next time and maybe succeed then :) just trying to see it this way round ;) Haha normally this works out then, except you are me and make the same fucking experience many more times :DD 

But to point this out not moving out you will die home alone in your room.. 
Anorexia also showed this to me.. it isolates yourself from the world... I felt so ashamed and afraid of everything i did not really want to make something like going out or anywhere... every event no matter what it was felt like a deadline till then to me... i was so afraid of the idea of eating somewhere else and not being in my routine... this truly shocks me now in reward.. i made the best experiences when i went out and not stayed home every weekend.. i was so unhappy at that time but i did absolutely not want to admit to myself that i was alone with anorexia by then.. all the times she won the battle in my head and i stayed home living my daily sick routine.... such a fuck... and i am so angry on my old me remembering all of this time... 
But thank god and i hope so much this time it will be over.. just for now enjoying the moment (more or less sometimes haha:))
Wish you all a wonderful and calm night now ;) xoxoxox