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Monday, January 23, 2017

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because to them you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup ;)

Heeeeey guuuuys :) 
You know this feeling when everything sucks and sometimes the world doesn´t really make so much sense? You think only karma tries to hit you and nobody else? 

Yes, okay so i think everybody by time (some maybe more than others, but anyway i think you know what i mean with it) feels shitty and like all people bounded together against yourself ... 
Sorry for those negative words and this also might not be a too happy post today, but i need this now :) 
Of course looking back i always a option to motivate myself again and making sure i wont get back to the worst point of my life so far, but where actually is the direction i wanna go...
This sometimes seems so blurred for me.....
Because on one side, i have such a clearly possible way i can go straight ;) I have a job, i am an apprentice there, i have a wonderful family, friends and people who care for me... SO what else do i want more or what do i expect from my life? Why am i unhappy sometimes and think about so much shit....????Can somebody please explain this to me?

So i simply think i am too much kind of a sensitive person who takes too many things way too personal and get emotional after it :) so for example today i came home from work and mam made dinner and i was so stressed out from my day, but why? :) I didn´t do anything else than every day, but got so emotional? Why???? Because i noticed again and again today how selfish and arrogant many of my so called "friends" are sometimes ;) I hope now nobody takes this personal in any way, but why cant some people simply not keep their thoughts by themselves when they have nothing too nice or even neutral to say? I don´t know why they always wanna tell me there opinion about every stupid topic?! I realized this at work today, because one colleague didn´t show up at work and just told it to our chief that she won´t come today, and all the other ladies were angry and annoyed that she had not told it them as well ;) like what should she send everyone a personal message??? And i couldn´t really believe they talked about this a few times today and made nasty rewards about her..... SO this is my question: Why do others always have to meddle in personal things or say their certain opinion about anything which shouldn't even bother them? 
Another big topic in this for me is, that because the people think: Like she is the ill and sick one, the psychotic girl, they can always tell me their opinion about how i look ;) they think they know me so well that they can judge me because of my past so much... I hate this :( as some better known person some time ago told me: Oh you still look skinny, how is life going? Are you doing hard at the moment? ;) And i was like : "What do you want from me?" Because i was not struggling at all at the time she asked me :) in German i always say (because in my ears it sounds muuuuch more dramatic haha;)) : Warum müssen die Menschen eigentlich immer ihre Gosch/ihr Maul ausleeren?" or: "Wenn man nichts Nettes zu sagen hat, soll man den Mund halten!" 
Soooo this is my liiiiittle little bit negative word for the start of this hopefully nice week ;) haha sarcastic ;) Sending you lots of loooove xxxxxxxxxxx

Because the world is not always only sunshine and pink ponies.......
Tuesday, January 10, 2017


Huhhuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu my cuties ;) 
I all wish you a great, happy, memorable, adventurous, amazing year 2017 ;)

2016 and all its memories, moments, happenings is gone now... this always kind of brings me into confused feelings :S because on the one side i am glad that it is over, but on the other hand i am thankful everything happened its way like it did ;) Okay but i already wrote kind of a post like this ;) haha so moving on to new things in a NEW YEAR :D

New year = New chapter? Maybe, i am not so sure about this, but in many ways 2017 is another beginning, a new chance for changing and growing ;) A new needn´t be a new chapter but it is a chance to leave the old behind step by step and move on ;) towards new directions and opportunities ;) this could be moving on in recovery of an illness, welcoming new people in your life, letting go of some as well, who proved you are better without and also letting new emotions and feelings in ;) 
out of our kitchen window :) 

So I hope you spent such a lovely, carefree and wonderful christmas time with your loved ones and were able to grab some presents haha :D and simply relax a little bit ;) Here in Germany we didn´t have a "white christmas" but now since a few days the temperature fell down to -20 degrees and it snowed like a little snow globe wonderland ;) I LOOOOOVE the snow ;) but i hate the freeeeezing coldness ;) especially this arctic cold we have at the moment ;) 
Winter wonderland Germany :D 

Sooooo but honestly my deeeears I am sitting in front of this post nearly since the first days of january and i am so unsure of what to write :S You see this is kind of a cuddle muddle at the moment :( I don´t know what does not bore you.. because i already rambled so much about my personal life and also my steps in becoming rid of my sick illness :S I am currently simply indecisive of what i should tell you :S FUuuuuck, because writing is so great for me :) 
So maybe i write down some goals or ideas for 2017 like it would truly suit at the beginning of a year, even though, as i just said, this does´t really mean a new chapter for me okay? ;) and i would be very happy and pleased if you write down some of yours as well? ;) Hehee and now read it without blaming me for it, because some can sound quite embarrassing :DD

travel to New Zealand, Florida, Miami, CA, or the Caribic :), risk something in a personal way, get my tattoo, reach a goal, do a service job just for fun, say yes, learning to be in peace with myself, sunbathing, telling somebody my opinion directly in the face,......

Haha i don´t know, this is just not so working ;) i wish you all the best being better than me in this try ;) Wish you all a wonderful night now ;) xxxxxxx