Soooo another sign of life from myself aaaaaaand therby as well a belated HAPPY ST PADDY´S DAY :) to some of my special irish readers but also everyone else :D Here in Munich there was as well a big parade and a party celebrating this special day *_*
As you all know i loooove ireland :) So i also had a look at the festivities yesterday and i am such a fan of you crazy irish ones :DDDD
Sooo what happend in the last nearly two months? :) Soooo many happy but also hard things again (but guess what i think this is life =))
First of all there is the Tagesklinik in which i am still trying my best to get out of this shit of anorexia.. :S and i truly have to say this really is adapted to daily life structures which immensly helps me a lot.. because learning how to deal in real life is something i absolutely have underestimated... So it definitively is a hard time right now, because working on yourself needs so much energy... but i also see : it is absolutely worth it !!!!!!!!!I never felt more confident and on my way than right now:) sounds selfish, doesn´ it? :S
But i also start learning and recognizing this is something i truly need to learn to fully heal: being gracious with myself .... no matter what feeling you may have or somebody else tries to give to you :) YOU are important :) this is something i am dealing so hard with ;) and forgiving myself each day all the shit i have done wrong... looking back in my life i made so many faults, i can´t turn around but then i have to remind myself making a mistake is allowed but it all depends on the way to handle it and go on with it ;) Like my tattoo says: never a failure, always a lesson!!!!! Nearly the same;) it is not how you make yourself bad for a mistake it is how you go on with it and learn from it in the best way ;)
Easy said, i know.... Haha i am the best in saying theoretical how to do it but make it wrong each time again ;(
But nevertheless, i also learned that there are so many people out there who absolutely appreciate you and all of your appearance !!!!! I don´t know if you may also feel like your not worth spending time with.... this is something which always harms me and makes me feel sorrow and insecure in being with other people.. like i would get on everybody ´s nerves and they are only friends with me because they feel sorry for myself... And this also is such a factor of my anorexia ... it always makes me wonder how this and an eating disorder cling together, you know? ;) Acting in society and feeling insecure is a big factor in developing mental illnesses.... sad right..... but how to deal with it?
Yeah that is the question i am working right now..... tell me if you found an answer.. i will also tell you okay? :) Sooo now enough of my babbling ;) Hopefully you know have a wonderful evening my dears ;) xxxxxxxxxxx Looooove ya
