Yes, it is a fact: anorexia is the mental illness with the highest death rate ... I am so stunned by this sentence again and again, no matter in which relation and how often i hear it...:S
I think this sounds so harmful and yes i can relate to this.. how often did i not know how to go on, trapped in my own head, banned by my own thoughts and rules i made in my head... Yes, a lot of people said to me i am stupid, crazy, dumb and stubborn.. but (maybe a little bit yes) no, it is an illness and all signs are on addiction... I am soo angry on those people who just always said to me and my parents, that i should just eat a little more (or to them: don´t you see your kid is dying of starvation?) What did you all think saying such things? And thanks yes, i knew i had to eat "just a little more" and everything would have been fine again... NO, never....
Nobody in my surrounding did really know how to deal with it and when this lady from the advice center at first used the word: anorexia/ Magersucht in German.. me and my mum fell from heaven and i did not believe her... But yes, i really suited on EVERY sign of this list with the symptoms... I swear i never wanted to have something like this, i think nobody does, but coming up agains such a harsh rejection of the humans in my surrounding i was shocked. ..... yes i did at this point, weighting under 40 kg not see myself right in the mirror, but how some people acted towards me was frightening and disgusting.. i am so thankful they now are NOT longer in my life!
But enough of this, yes i lost some people, i met in the clinic or somewhere else to anorexia... it really shocked me each time hearing it killed somebody i know again.. i was sooo close to death i know how it feels being so down... no matter how their life has ended, anorexia is never worth ending a life... so in my eyes she is the death itself.. a skinny, mean horror lady walking next to a good soul (that is how i always call those lovely people i met on my way in the clinic...)
I feel so sorry for each person who lost the battle against this monster, addiction in their head...Hopefully i am over the bridge now... ;)
Wish you all, even though this was kind of a harsh and frightened post, a wonderful evening ;) But i needed to write it, because according to some friends of mine who again and again are in different clinics... which scares me and i never wanna go anywhere down there again ;) xxooxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxo
