my longtime friend, my bestie, my one and only person who was here for me all day and all night.... wow such a long time now really.... about 5 years, since you first got a name in my head and in public as well.... Everybody knew we both were connected in such a complicated inseperable way... there no longer was Angi to meet, there always were Angi and Miss Mager, no longer one without each other.. but do you really exist?
For me definitively YES :S Oh and how much you influenced me and still have power over me....Who the hell are you to tell me such stupid rituals, negative thoughts and who are you to tell me i am not good enough? Making me starve nearly until death.. what kind of friend would do that? Hmmm i could not imagine only one... exept a false friend and this is no kind of friend!
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| I think this cartoon from the movie "coraline" describes my relationship to my false friend anorexia kind of very well :S |
How did we actually meet and why did i allow you to take so much control over me... not only regarding to food, but also social contacts and family... you suddenly were everything to me and nobody else anyhow mattered to me... ONLY YOU and me... wow just like in a relationship.. a relationship with my very own DEVIL!!!!!
Realizing this can be so hard trust me, because for me everything still seemed fine and i did not recognize the changes i made and only my surrounding became aware of how much you influenced me... and made me sick and vulnerable.... so sick i needed professional help, and this now since more than ONE year!!!!!! Wow fuck off....
So why is somebody who just actually had a normal life falls in the trap of such a special friend like anorexia? So as i found out there are many very attractive facts Miss Mager offered to me and i consequently trapped into her claws.. like for example when i at first started loosing weight i became many compliments for my strength and willpower... and also i felt seen for the first time of my life... because in school i always was kind of inconspicuous and a wallflower.. shy and quiet... nobody really recognized me as a special eyecatcher or anything like this.. i just was there but i had less friends and did not feel welcomed or connected to the class...so when i had miss mager next to my side i did no longer feel alone.. sounds kind of weird, but i totally felt this way :S
SO how is this twin in am bounded with? Why is she getting on my nerves each and every day? :S Can´t this finally stop once for all?
Yeah for sure i am still keeping on trying to push her away and trying to get my own shit together living without her on my side....
Sooo enough rambling and mind setting for this sunday evening.. oh by the way it was palm sunday today (just mentioning this because next week is easter :)) and i am going home for the weekend.. haha and hopefully going home without miss m by my side... :) wish you all a good night now ;) xxxxxxxxx <3 <3 lots of love and sunny days... :)
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