Getting along and stumbling in my life... Moving on ;)

Huhuuuuu Honeybees :)

Wow such a complicated life for me now... i definitively have to take good care of me right now not falling back into old sick habits..
As you may noticed from my previous posts, my life is changing so much at the moment and i truly have to be open for new opportunities, duties and letting the old behind me once for all... for sure the past waas not only bad or anything like that at all, but i absolutely realized now, that the one thing which is needed now: Getting grown-up and not remain in the past....
Yeah Miss Mager is the darkest chapter in my life and there are sooo many negative memories connected with this.. 

One thing i learned in the past years: It is just a bad day, not a bad life :) 

So what actually happens right now? Soooo one very big decision now is coming regarding to my job and my apprenticeship, because they offer me something which could work out well, but on the other hand it would mean a lot of stress and as you may know: Stress is the biggest factor for falling back to anorexia.... So this is something i truly have to figure out well and not make any prematurely decisions....

The other thing which affects me still is the circle of people/friends i spend and enjoy spending time with.... Losing some people, making new friends, being part of a group, having some exciting relationships with some boys,.... andandand....all this bothers me a lot at the moment... i mean i learnt so much the last weeks and met some unbelievable heartwarming peeeps, which absolutely pushes me a lot in recovery and it makes me feel loved and this is the best feeling ever for me ;) I pray to god that these people stay and not like others leave from one day to another :) #pleasestayatmyside :-*
Haha :) 

So something else i also wanted to share with you is, that i started with art therapy again ;) Just had one lesson, but it was really amazing, creating something outside in the garden and not knowing the result, just giving my thoughts a try :) this is something i truly can recommend to everyone who needs some help with their mental health ;) Maybe just giving it a try: I mean me for myself i hate drawing something real, i only let my mind play and do abstract pictures :) may sound bit weird for you, but i swear many people as well state that this has such a positive influence on your mind and body ;) Just give it a try okay? ;) 

Thats the first result of the drawing ;) Haha no by the way,
this is just the background ;) More to follow.....

So enough said for today ;) I wish you all a wonderful evening now my sweeties *_* Hope you have a good one and enjoying the summer ;) xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo Mwaaaah :-*

Ghosting ... and what actually is a REAL friend :S

HUhuuuuuu my cuties ;) 

Boooooooooo... or anyhow a ghost would make you scared and frightened :S 

Hahah another ghost ;) 

Haha no, this is not meant by the word GHOSTING :) this word i just read a few days or weeks ago in the newspaper and it totally reminded me of what many people often do without shame: they just do like PLOPP and disappear out of your life!!!!!!
This is something i think of as an outrageous behavior and especially if you thought of them as important or as a friend for you, this truly hits hard... i mean what do you think if somebody does not answer your texts and messages anymore or does not answer your phone calls...
Why does somebody do that? I mean without any explanation or giving the other side the chance to explain oneself, if he or she made something wrong... I just do not understand such a rude behaviour... 
I just can speak from my point of view... of course i also already erased myself out of the life of somebody else, but not a friend normally... in general those were all boys, i just dated or some girls who were chattering with me from time to time.. but NOT friends... this is just disgusting!!!!!! 
But now thinking about this some longer time ago, i recognized i truly have to ask myself at this topic: Was this person then really a friend???????

I never wanted to hear it or deal with it, but also in the day clinic in which i was in Munich, my therapist wanted me to ask myself what a real friend for me is....and what do you think, i did not even really know about it quiet properly .. we worked out a scheme, which unfortunately only is in German, but i think i can point out the most important points here as well : 
RESPECT, TRUST, EMPATHY, SAME LEVEL OF GIVING AND TAKING, IS HERE FOR YOU IN BAD TIMES, HELPING EACH OTHER, NO EXPLOITATION....
And do you agree? 
Even though i always thought, yes, for sure some times are good others are bad, realizing that this person, i thought about as a friend, has ghosted out of my life, truly hurts very much and makes me sad...I think you may also know the feeling of getting erased out of somebody´s life and this fucking is not fair, but hey if the other person wants it? I am just getting the conclusion for myself now, that (even though this sounds hard) this person never was a friend... because friends would talk to each other if there is a difficulty and not just piss off....Okay enough of me now...

I jreally found it difficult to deal with this topic now and i thought may some of you also can probably relate to it as well.. :) wish you all a wonderful evening now honeys :) 
Lots of love ;) xxxx