Is the recovery of my ED still such a big part of my life?

Huhuuuuuuu my owls ;) ;) 

Recently i have been asked by a friend which i know now for quiet a long time, wether my recovery is actually still such a massive massive part of each day? Hmmm.. wow this truly made me think a little bit about it :S 

To be honest with you guys, i would say: YES ... it still is... i mean you just have to remember that eating is an everyday thing, you just not could stop it for a while just because you maybe had a bad one or negative feelings... you have to cling to being honest with yourself every f*** day... i sometimes would say :S because yeah for sure i know what i need to eat, but for sure you also know that eating is related to your own feelings... maybe you feel streessed and need a little extra food or you are sick or may feel down or something and you absolutely are not hungry.. you know? 
So this is something i truly have to deal hard with sometimes... especially now since i am working (since this week i am having 6 hours a day :) i recognize that i am so extra extra hungry.. even though i am only sitting in front of my pc, i notice that mental work also is so exhausting and even though my mind tells me not to have more food, i know that i have to give in and have that little bit extra :S 
And by doing this i again checked how important it is to weight enough and not give back into that disordered thoughts.. And i am still aware that i still have to gain some kilos and i also can tell you guys that this is kind of not an easy thing to do next to having a life and not being isolated and Miss M... This is it what i actually wanted to tell you with this post: I wanna have a life, but right noow i also need to gain and combinating this hand by hand is hard work.. getting to a point where i feel free to eat truly what i want and how much...  (also not connected to my mood, health or stress)r Hopefully one day i will reach this point, but i think i am not giving up and try to keep my mood and positivity up ;) this is all i can do for the moment and keep strictly to all my meals and food.. not forgetting the challenging ones and all my recovery stuff i learned in the last 1,5 years :)

So also keep your heads up you sweeties ;) wish you all the best now and a wonderful night sleep ;) And may you all be a little bit more gangster ;) *just putting a crown on your head *