For me hitting my personal rock bottom here made me change (maybe some things also unconsciously) in so many ways, I never think I would be forced to.....
For me all of this is soooooo confusing I can tell you :) I hardly can anyway express it properly in any way :(
I definitively needed that kick in my ass!!! This is something I know for sure now ;) And also now the situation also changed a bit in another way: a new girl arrived, which is so scaringly thin, that she had to be tube feeded and sits in a wheelchair :S She truly got all my compassion and neeeeeever ever want to be like her :( this shocked me so much seeing her and getting to see how harmful this illness really can be :( my only problem now is, she wants to talk to me all the time about food and such stuff and wants to spend time with me :( of course this is lovely of her, but her behaviors really scare me :( Like she stares at me all the time while eating or asking me for things like Green Tea or wanting to know bad things about the other girls :( but I do not fall back, this motivates me so much to move out of this ill stuff, because I never wanna be like this :(
so keeping on to the full speed button to NOT stop at the middle of the hill!!!
I now had to increase my lunch already, which means I now have to eat 150% of each served meal, which sometimes really can be so challenging :) but I always have to remind myself, that absolutely will be worth it :) all for becoming myself again ;)
So my hunnybunnies ;) I wish you a nice day and make the most out of it!!!!^^
AAAAH and back to my headline!! I now have the set goal here to eat NUTELLA daily as a challenge for me ;) Oh of course I still am such a lover of Nutella, but I was so afraid of trying it in here for breakfast, because it is the obligation to put butter under each topic and I could never imagine Nutella in combination with butter :S but now I tried it and I absolutely must say that I am so happy I tried it, because I now have my Nutella back in here !!!
AND WHAT WOULD NUTELLARELLA BE WITHOUT NUTELLA? :)
Hi Ange, how do you do? Please tell me that you are doing just fine...I am a little confused here, why you are in the clinic right now? are you sick ? How about your studies Ange?
ReplyDeleteI really hope you are doing ok and please dont be involved in anorexia again after seeing that new girl. You can change the other way round though. Let her contagious with your positiveness mind. Let her be like you who appreciate life! May be you can give her advices :) You might save her life :)
I am sorry if my english is not so good :(
Stay healthy and eat well honey, I know you can do it :)
xoxo
-H
Heeeey H :) I am so happy to get some news from you :) and to see you still are reading my blooooooggi blog ;)
DeleteSo I am inpatient because of my ED and I truly want to get rid of her and gain some kilos here as fast as possible :) So don´t worry about me, but all in all it really is not easy being in here :S
OH for sure not I will not let her tear me down again and I keep sticking to all the rules and the plans here ;) I absolutely put distance between me and her and this feels so needed and good!!^^She still is so ill and I do not want to be influenced by her in any way!!!! Maybe you are right and I can help her, but most of all I absolutely have to focus on myself in here :) otherwise I will be here for ages and ages and I would truly hate this ;)
OH your english is so fine my dear ;) I hope you are also doing okay? =) how about your studies? I take a break of it at the moment for spending my time in here :)
Thanks so so much for believing in me, I also believe in you!!!
LOTS AND LOTS OF LOVE
Ange xxx