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Sunday, November 20, 2016

Loosing some things in life whilst gaining new experiences :)

Heeeeeey my Daaaaarlings ;) 

Maaaany things happening over here and it is nearly aa little little bit complicated to pack all of these in words and especially in a blogpost :DD 

Okay so on the one hand I absolutely have to admit, that three or four weeks ago I absolutely struggled a lot :S so why? Because I simply felt overwhelmed of how many other things could bother or stress me at the same time, whilst I actually thought that my ed is my main problem ;) But in these days it felt like my behavior was becoming worse again, just because I tried to focus my life more on other things than eating, food, gaining, ..... It was like, i maybe describe it like this: I ranked my ed down in a smaller corner of my mind and it felt like it would rebel out of it :) Do you understand what I mean? I just wanted to focus my life more on personal relationships, being social again, learning for my first few tests of school, being active at work, and and and... And the result was: I first felt confident and great about it, because it felt like it would be easier to deal with Miss Mager, but the first illusion deceived :S It just went good as long as i wasn't stressed, like somebody wanted something from me which I didn't want or I was forced to do something I didn´t like.....
This made me somehow panic and just like the imagination of a little, defiantly child my ed wants attention again and i feel bad and insecure as a result of it!!!! Even though i am sooooo happy in my "everyday life" and my private progression :) Sounds so strange right?;) 
It somehow feels like this ill part/piece of me simply does not want to be forgotten, missed out or wants attention when i feel good and won´t let me be happy ... Kinda hard and i feel like this is so unfair and i truly wanna get rid of this part :S it confuses me so much :) 

Buuut I also think all of this confusedness comes by the fact that I currently feel like constantly pimped up with so much energy and happiness about my life at the moment ;) and as a result of that I feel confused :) Because all in all i couldn't be happier:) all things are developing in the right direction, I am back on track again and I have so many wonderful people around me having so much fun with them and spending a great time ;) So thanks to all of you ;) most of those I mean by saying this may never read this blog, buuuut to those of you, yeeeeeeees I know exactly you will be reading this,, because you currently are doing it hahaa ;) what a logic :D THANKS for being here for me ;) I love u to the moon and back :)
SOOOOOO and this is the "Wort zum Sonntag" -> word for sunday ;) 

Sending you all the best and muuuch love xxxxxxxxxxxxxx


  1. I am so glad to know you're happy! I guess being confused because your ED wants you to focus on it and nothing besides it is normal... I have felt this way as well! But it's truly wonderful that you're managing to spend time with people that make you feel good and just enjoy yourself and your days. It may be hard to let your ED yell at you, but at some point ED will get tired of doing that, and the voice calling for attention won't be that loud and confusing anymore!

    1. Aaaaaw thanks so much for this wonderful comment ;) it is so amazing for me having such lovely readers, just as you are :-*
      And I love the positive and motivational thinking of yourself towards the future ;) it absolutely makes me believe my ed some time will be quiet and let me fully be myself ;) thanks so much for encouraging me to continue ;) this makes my day ;)
      Lots of love to Brazil xxxxxxxxx <3

  2. Gahhhh I wrote a comment and posted it but then it disappeared...I'll try again...

    'It somehow feels like this ill part/piece of me simply does not want to be forgotten, missed out or wants attention when i feel good and won´t let me be happy.' I can 100% relate to this, like you want to move forward so much with your life, but it's like something is pulling you back, holding you back somehow?

    You can push through beautiful. You're strong and brave enough to achieve whatever you want, just believe, and lean on any support you need. Message me anytime.

    THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART for the beautiful card you sent me in the post I got it this week, you truly made my day, you're an angel, a star, wonderful young lady and I love you to bits, thank you!!!!!!

    Sending you all my love xoxox

    1. Aaaaaaaaaah my beautiful wonderful amazing welsh giiiiiiiirliiiiie <3 I am so so soooo unbelievably happy to hear from you ;) I hope so much you are fine ;) Aaaw and yes you also completely understood what i wanted to say by posting this one ;) it sometimes feels like my ed wants to keep me back from moving on and letting go ;) just like saying goodbye would feel so complicated and hard ;) buuuut thanks so much for still encouraging me to keep it up moving ;) And your support means the world to me ;) I am always so happy to hear from you ;)

      Aaaaaaaah and I am so glad it arrived ;) I already was worried about the address, because i thought i wrote the wrong place on it ;) Hahaa this is so typically me ;) but i am so glad you like the card ;) i thought counting down the days until christmas is such a cute idea for such a special friend like you are to me ;)
      Love u so much :) xxxxx <3