Loosing some things in life whilst gaining new experiences :)

Heeeeeey my Daaaaarlings ;) 

Maaaany things happening over here and it is nearly aa little little bit complicated to pack all of these in words and especially in a blogpost :DD 

Okay so on the one hand I absolutely have to admit, that three or four weeks ago I absolutely struggled a lot :S so why? Because I simply felt overwhelmed of how many other things could bother or stress me at the same time, whilst I actually thought that my ed is my main problem ;) But in these days it felt like my behavior was becoming worse again, just because I tried to focus my life more on other things than eating, food, gaining, ..... It was like, i maybe describe it like this: I ranked my ed down in a smaller corner of my mind and it felt like it would rebel out of it :) Do you understand what I mean? I just wanted to focus my life more on personal relationships, being social again, learning for my first few tests of school, being active at work, and and and... And the result was: I first felt confident and great about it, because it felt like it would be easier to deal with Miss Mager, but the first illusion deceived :S It just went good as long as i wasn't stressed, like somebody wanted something from me which I didn't want or I was forced to do something I didn´t like.....
This made me somehow panic and just like the imagination of a little, defiantly child my ed wants attention again and i feel bad and insecure as a result of it!!!! Even though i am sooooo happy in my "everyday life" and my private progression :) Sounds so strange right?;) 

It somehow feels like this ill part/piece of me simply does not want to be forgotten, missed out or wants attention when i feel good and won´t let me be happy ... Kinda hard and i feel like this is so unfair and i truly wanna get rid of this part :S it confuses me so much :) 

Buuut I also think all of this confusedness comes by the fact that I currently feel like constantly pimped up with so much energy and happiness about my life at the moment ;) and as a result of that I feel confused :) Because all in all i couldn't be happier:) all things are developing in the right direction, I am back on track again and I have so many wonderful people around me having so much fun with them and spending a great time ;) So thanks to all of you ;) most of those I mean by saying this may never read this blog, buuuut to those of you, yeeeeeeees I know exactly you will be reading this,, because you currently are doing it hahaa ;) what a logic :D THANKS for being here for me ;) I love u to the moon and back :)
SOOOOOO and this is the "Wort zum Sonntag" -> word for sunday ;) 

Sending you all the best and muuuch love xxxxxxxxxxxxxx