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Thursday, May 24, 2018

Anorexia is not an emotional crack, it is a serious illness...

Huuuhuu you Cuties :) 
Wow already May and springtime again... the sun comes out and all people slowly start to get into summer mood ... all but not me...
Hm so to be open and honest with you all, i was not doing the best according to battling Miss Mager in the last year.. which does not mean i didn't try to battle her or let her in again, but i was dealing hard in my everyday situation and with work and stress at school i wasn't able to eat enough and started to fall for bad behavior again and again... the stress really knocked me out and gave in.... so all in all this meant for me starting the fight against her again and i signed in the Schön Klinik again... :( 
And then one day i finally got the call that i can come to the clinic at the shores of the Chiemsee again :S Confusing, but rescuing once again... For me this really feels like such a shame admitting i have to go inpatient again battling this fucking illness once for all...
But learning and seeing it is no shame rather strength and willpower made me at first confused but now it slowly makes me see how right they are... a mental illness is no shame, it is a serious diagnostical illness and you need to have extreme discipline and endurance to finally win the battle against it! I hope so much i now have enough of these....

This time some things now are different than the last time, i am now in a bedroom with two other girls :D which at first totally confused me, but now i am so glad not to be alone so much time :D Loneliness feeds Miss M....And i have a new therapist and of course all the new girls and at the moment :) so many new faces, stories, and problems ... but some of them are like real angels and friends for me :) so lovely and supporting that i almost cannot believe it sometimes :) It always impresses me so much, what wonderful people are out there, so something i absolutely can say is: Come out of your little bubble at home and open up to new faces, this can make you feel so loved and acknowledged :) Believe me, support is the A and O in recovery and some of these people here are like real treasures for me now :) Thanks to all of you :) Those who i mean know for sure who they are :) xxxxx 

But for sure i won´t forget to mention the support i receive from you at home :) My family, friends, relatives :) Thanks for always being here, don´t know where i would be without you ;) Who listens to my crying, gives me a hug and calls me if i am down? You ! Danke :) 
I am so thankful for having you :) 

So i will keep my head up here the best i can and press thumbs for me that i can make it through all this shit :) 
Lots of love and if you feel like it, i would be happy to receive a message of you :) xxxx 


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