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Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Had to get rid of it.... just rambling :) but maybe you wanna read it? ;)

                                        ATTENTION ATTENTION ATTENTION!!!!!!!!
                                                       HOOOOOOOONEYS 
In English: Sometimes the only thing which keeps you away from reaching your
goals in your head!!!!!!!


Something was just bumping and hitting my mind today, which is so important i think :S especially for myself!!!!

An eating disorder is full of lies, as many of you maybe will know.... and this is such a bad thing, because you have to find the exact contrary to this: TRUST

So there are two pages of trust ;) In recovery you have to learn to trust 2 kinds of people: Family/friends that wanna help you out, but also and this probably is the most important, but also most difficult thing to do: trust in yourself!!!!

Starting to write this post, i really have to admit to you: I was angry on my mum, because she lied at me according to making food for me :S So i honestly felt betrayed and lied to.... And then the second minute after our argument, I realized how stupid i behaved, because she actually just wanted to help me on my intention on gaining..... so here i am back at the point of how i wanna learn to trust myself, that i am doing the right thing and not cheating and lying anymore to myself or the people I love...... I want to be happy and healthy looking and not like a skeleton....... So i think i am back at the point of saying i need to trust in other people who know more clearly what maybe i need for this step again for gaining more weight :S because in theory i know as well what is needed, but the practical implementation is another big chapter......

SO I need now to learn to trust my body, that in my head knows what he needs, and if i am doing hard at this, I need to rely on my family who only wants my best ;) I need to give up some more control to them to fully become my self again.... 
Puh such a cuddle muddle and i also think many maybe didn't even understand now what i wanna say with this post, but i wrote this just out of my thoughts, as fast as my fingers could hit the keyboard ;) 
Just want to tell you this okay? =) trust is so much needed and one day I hope that i fully will be able again to trust in my thoughts and my mind about all of this chapter ;) 
I wish you now all a gooood good evening and a wonderful night now ;) 
Hahaa mine is already ending at 5.30 in the morning, because i have to go to school tomorrow :S so it wont be too long now ;) sending you all my LOVE ;) xxxxxx

2 comments:

  1. I can very much relate to you Ange. I find it so difficult to trust others, and cannot trust myself at all. Not being able to trust gets me into a lot of trouble I must admit. I wish it wasn't so difficult, and I wish it wasn't so difficult for you. But I believe in you SO much, and believe that you can learn to trust yourself, and trust your family and friends who love you so much and care for you and just want to see you get better. I love you too and hope you know you can trust me. I am here for you always you can message me anytime about anything and I will help you. Sending you my love and cuddles xxxxxxxxx

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    1. Ohhh such a wonderful lovely comment Annie ;) thanks a million for telling me this ;) Oh and it means so much for me knowing i can always count on you ;) there should be more people like you in this wooooorld ;) Love u so so much my Welsh frieeeend ;) and it also means the world for me receiving your little present ;) *_* you are such a goodhearted person ;) i hope so much you know this ;) xxxxxxxxx

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