Had to get rid of it.... just rambling :) but maybe you wanna read it? ;)

                                        ATTENTION ATTENTION ATTENTION!!!!!!!!
                                                       HOOOOOOOONEYS 

In English: Sometimes the only thing which keeps you away from reaching your
goals in your head!!!!!!!

Something was just bumping and hitting my mind today, which is so important i think :S especially for myself!!!!

An eating disorder is full of lies, as many of you maybe will know.... and this is such a bad thing, because you have to find the exact contrary to this: TRUST

So there are two pages of trust ;) In recovery you have to learn to trust 2 kinds of people: Family/friends that wanna help you out, but also and this probably is the most important, but also most difficult thing to do: trust in yourself!!!!

Starting to write this post, i really have to admit to you: I was angry on my mum, because she lied at me according to making food for me :S So i honestly felt betrayed and lied to.... And then the second minute after our argument, I realized how stupid i behaved, because she actually just wanted to help me on my intention on gaining..... so here i am back at the point of how i wanna learn to trust myself, that i am doing the right thing and not cheating and lying anymore to myself or the people I love...... I want to be happy and healthy looking and not like a skeleton....... So i think i am back at the point of saying i need to trust in other people who know more clearly what maybe i need for this step again for gaining more weight :S because in theory i know as well what is needed, but the practical implementation is another big chapter......

SO I need now to learn to trust my body, that in my head knows what he needs, and if i am doing hard at this, I need to rely on my family who only wants my best ;) I need to give up some more control to them to fully become my self again.... 
Puh such a cuddle muddle and i also think many maybe didn't even understand now what i wanna say with this post, but i wrote this just out of my thoughts, as fast as my fingers could hit the keyboard ;) 
Just want to tell you this okay? =) trust is so much needed and one day I hope that i fully will be able again to trust in my thoughts and my mind about all of this chapter ;) 
I wish you now all a gooood good evening and a wonderful night now ;) 
Hahaa mine is already ending at 5.30 in the morning, because i have to go to school tomorrow :S so it wont be too long now ;) sending you all my LOVE ;) xxxxxx