Standing up and admitting your mistakes and faults....Because Nobody´s perfect!

Huhuuuu my honey bunnies ;) 

No one is perfect! It is simple and it is plain, nobody!!! NOT EVEN YOU and especially not you if you are in the craws of Miss Mager! 
Why not accepting your meal plan once in a while or why not even letting a snack pass by uneaten? Because this is ill and it is wrong!! we must try to keep this in mind ;) ALWAYS ;) restricting and cheating is not good and it never is the solution ;) ONLY honest, self caring and fighting people can win this battle ;) MY battle, OUR battle !!!!! But everyone for him/herself ;) DO IT FOR YOURSELF :) I truly have to realize this more and more in my head, because if you are not doing this, you never will heal fully :S and this is not what I want........

But don´t blame yourself for being a looser, a misfit or a failure by times.. You won´t stay this forever and it happened once, so change something about it so it won´t happen again! 
The one thing you just have to hope for is, that your beloved ones will forgive you those slips and fails :S and for them this might be so hard to understand so as a result of this they may blame you for it :) but you have to believe in the fact that time will heal wounds and scars :S maybe not today or tomorrow, but give it/them time :) if they see you are able to change they will be by your side again ;) 
So always keep in mind your life, your world and everything you do needn´t and never will be PERFECT, so neither have you ;) For this I looked up a song text which matching to this topic came to my mind  ;) And it made me remember so much ;) 
The song is called "Nobody´s perfect" by Mike and the Mechanics ;) I don´t actually know if anyone of you knows it, because i think it may is from the 80s or something around this time ;) but it made me remember our special family holidays in our mobile home in ireland, scotland, itaaly, sweden, norway, portugal, gb, ..... and i felt so happy and childish about it ;) I was just a little small girl sitting in the back of the car and listening to this music my parents had on their ipod and was playing nintendo gameboy ;) careless and free ;) enjoying my life and not thinking about anything serious ;) How much I wanna be free like this again ;) And also the lyrics of the song are soooooooo perfectly suitable for being unperfectt ;) HAhA so I hope you will like it ;) Maybe you also will give it a listen and tell me what you think? ;) Would be so happy to hear from you ;) 

NOBODY'S PERFECT SONGTEXT

It must be hard
being an angel
when the devil in your heart
won't set you free
it must be hard
being an angel
when the world has let you down
imperfection all around

Hey look at me
it must be hard
it must be hard
it must be hard.

Nobody's perfect
all of the time
nobody's perfect
we are what we are
there's no perfect reason
and no perfect rhyme

for most of the time
that's what we're looking for.

Gentlemen gentlemen please!
can you please support the notion
of what I'm saying here
that the person here in question
must be an angel here on earth
if they can't see a human being
for what a human being's really worth
gentlemen please!

Nobody's perfect
all of the time
nobody's perfect
we are what we are
there's no perfect reason
and no perfect rhyme
for most of the time
that's what we're looking for.

It must be hard
being an angel
it must be hard
when the world has let you down
it must be hard
being an angel
it must be hard.

Nobody's perfect
all of the time
nobody's perfect
we are what we are
there's no perfect reason
no perfect rhyme
most all of the time
that's what we're looking for...

Sentimental flashbacks, confusion, nostalgia and old memories ....

Heeeeeeyheeey my bestiiiiies *_* 
How are you? And how is the weather at your place right now? =) Does it maybe describe your mood at the moment? :D 
Here in Germany right now the weather is a little bit dusty, but with some wonderful sunny sunbeams here and there :) I love those little bright shines throughout the day :) they always make me smile :) Oh but all in all it definitively can be said, that it got so much colder since the beginning of october, also in the nights there is nearly zero degree :) but for all of this I am settled ;) I bought a new pair of shoes and a warm superdry jacket :) *_* So in love with that :) And also for the new start of the season, haha no just for fun ;) I again dyed my hair in a deep, also a little bit striking red ;) hahaa so I can´t be overlooked: the red fire alarm :)

Fuuuuun, so there are so many many things I currently am thinking about: 
On the one hand my life here is sooo great, as I never truly anyhow could have imagined it again, because so many wonderful, cool, amazing and exciting (neew) things happened, but on the other, I sometimes feel such a strange kind of sentimentality coming up and I feel like I would miss some of the good times in the clinic :SS Soooo strange, i can tell you this, because i end up feeling like a total mess, you know? ;) But my mum also told me about this kind of nostalgia she had after leaving her school (she was in a boarding school ) So after it is over, it seems like you would only remember ALL of the good and wonderful times you had there ;) so it can be called a sentimental flashback I think... :) but I know now what i want, and this is doing my apprenticeship, going out, having fun, living my real life :) going into a clinic only means again freezing all the things i have got here and go away for a limited episode of time :S and afterwards coming back and again starting at zero..... Never actually wanna do this and restart again :S
But I think such flashbacks and mixed feelings you can experience in many sectors of your life ;) just take a holiday as an example, but also maybe harmful memories, like the end of a relationship, you still have such days wishing back to those days, even though they may hurted yourself :S But this is human :) 

Because just at the moment I am more than ever so happy with all those current happenings here, and I feel like floating a little bit ;) Unsure where it takes me, but i know by the help of my family and friends it will take me somewhere wonderful :) Lets just hope for this ;) 
Love u all and wish you a great middle of the week ;) YOU ARE AWESOME *_*

Had to get rid of it.... just rambling :) but maybe you wanna read it? ;)

                                        ATTENTION ATTENTION ATTENTION!!!!!!!!
                                                       HOOOOOOOONEYS 

In English: Sometimes the only thing which keeps you away from reaching your
goals in your head!!!!!!!

Something was just bumping and hitting my mind today, which is so important i think :S especially for myself!!!!

An eating disorder is full of lies, as many of you maybe will know.... and this is such a bad thing, because you have to find the exact contrary to this: TRUST

So there are two pages of trust ;) In recovery you have to learn to trust 2 kinds of people: Family/friends that wanna help you out, but also and this probably is the most important, but also most difficult thing to do: trust in yourself!!!!

Starting to write this post, i really have to admit to you: I was angry on my mum, because she lied at me according to making food for me :S So i honestly felt betrayed and lied to.... And then the second minute after our argument, I realized how stupid i behaved, because she actually just wanted to help me on my intention on gaining..... so here i am back at the point of how i wanna learn to trust myself, that i am doing the right thing and not cheating and lying anymore to myself or the people I love...... I want to be happy and healthy looking and not like a skeleton....... So i think i am back at the point of saying i need to trust in other people who know more clearly what maybe i need for this step again for gaining more weight :S because in theory i know as well what is needed, but the practical implementation is another big chapter......

SO I need now to learn to trust my body, that in my head knows what he needs, and if i am doing hard at this, I need to rely on my family who only wants my best ;) I need to give up some more control to them to fully become my self again.... 
Puh such a cuddle muddle and i also think many maybe didn't even understand now what i wanna say with this post, but i wrote this just out of my thoughts, as fast as my fingers could hit the keyboard ;) 
Just want to tell you this okay? =) trust is so much needed and one day I hope that i fully will be able again to trust in my thoughts and my mind about all of this chapter ;) 
I wish you now all a gooood good evening and a wonderful night now ;) 
Hahaa mine is already ending at 5.30 in the morning, because i have to go to school tomorrow :S so it wont be too long now ;) sending you all my LOVE ;) xxxxxx

Never look back...

Oooooooooooooooonly to see how much you already reached !!!!!!!!!!

Yeeeees heeelloooo again my Sweeties :) 
I am so sorry for my longer absence now, but I absolutely didn´t really know what to blog about without boring you :S And I also experience so many many new things in life at the moment now, as my apprenticeship now fully started :) 
So many things are new for me again, like on thursday I had my first day at school again (I have to go there on this and on friday each week =)) and met many foreign people and it was so exciting, but all in all positive for me ;) I am really looking forward to how it will be in the next lessons :) Hahaaa no i will not be a swot!!!!!! Surely not, I swear :) :D 
Also I really can say: I like my job and my working place a lot ;) All the co-worker are so nice and ready to help :) 
Buuuuut what I notice a lot at this time now: The weather influences my mood so much and changes my attitude as well :S this is so confusing for me ;) SO now the last few weeks/even months, the weather here in Germany was so warm, sometimes sunny and nice as well, and now this is changing, especially now it gets colder, darker, rainy, foggy and misty so many days.... I absolutely don´t like it! :S buuuut of course I can´t change anything about it (maybe emigrating to a southern country would be an option? Haha :D) 
DO you know what I mean? ;) Maybe some of you also have this problem and can help me by dealing with it? I would love so much to hear some coping strategies with this :) 
I also did some considerations and asked some friends and family ;) Like for example if the weather outside is so bad (just as today here: Rain, rain, rain...)

you should do something which distracts you from negative thoughts, like watching a movie, read a book, take a nap, have a chat, coffee date with friends, LAUGH and go on ;) For sure, those are some great strategies which maybe sometimes will help you pass this episode, but for gaining more positivity in life, always have a look back to your worst time, and how you never wanna have it again ;) For me looking back is so important : Not to see how bad I really behaved, felt and was lonely, NO for seeing how much I reached since this point and how it developed into the positive direction ;) and seeing this, most of the time always gives me hope and power to continue on and gain happiness back ;) 

Maybe you can also be creative according to this topic ;) this is a poster i made in the clinic
for distracting myself and helping me cope with everything ;) 

So just have a look at your lowest point to see where you started and why you started and how much is possible to still reached ;) because being down at the point when I decided to go to the clinic I would never have thought that someday I will be able again to start a real job and build up a "normal all-day" life again :) 
So never loose hope my dears, I absolutely know so well how it feels to just wanna give up, but please no ;) and if you are down, it may also helps you (just like me) to write down your thoughts, because this sometimes frees your mind and makes you feel good and calmed as well ;) 
Sending you all my love my cuuuties :) xxxxxxxxx *_* 

Saying NO in life :)

Gooood good morning my honeeeeys ;)

Now it is official: I am an apprentice!!!!! Oh yes! My apprenticeship started on Thursday ;) Haha actually not sooo much was new for me, because I already worked there half day, as I mentioned before, I think? =) So now I am an Azubi as an assistant tax consultant :D (I looked up the job description on the translator :D) 

But again enough about me ;) I feel like my blog sometimes gets too much about my personal self :) so I thought about writing about an important topic, which I myself still often struggle a lot with : SAYING NO 
Of course this doesn´t mean saying no in every life sector, because saying no to my meal plan or to new exciting capitals of my life would be stupid and inexcusable :S but the topic I truly mean is saying no to things which tie you down, make you sad or force you to things you do not even wanna do or which stress you!!!! One of the main goals in life should be being happy and in peace with yourself and this sometimes/often also includes saying no to negatives!!!! 

Never try to be a person, who you really are not, just because someone wants you to be this way or to function like they want it ;) If it gets too much for you, tell them, and don´t worry if they truly are friends, they will understand it! And if they are not, I also made this experience through my illness, it absolutely is the better to not having them into your life! For me in some cases it after some time really felt relieving and liberating :)
And also it is in recovery from an illness or an addiction: You have to do it for yourself!!! All by yourself and all for the person you wanna be ;) so saying no to things which keep you away from becoming this one, is essential!!!!!!! 

Another point which you also have to learn to is: Saying no to bad habits and negative attached habits :) like those you may follow because of your addiction :) For me I also precisely know them, and each day is a fight against giving in to those!! Because for getting rid of them, there is no magic healing, it all is lying in your own hands and behaviors! By time, I learned, that the best way coping with those is replacing them by rather positive habits, which I probably liked or enjoyed in earlier days, like childhood maybe ;) especially the exchange of your own thoughts is so important at this topic ;) 

Puuuuuuh now I babbled so much again, but this all was in my mind now, and I hope this does nnot bore you okay? :) 
Sending you a many kisses and for now, I am going to the Plärrer with some very good friends ;) (not sure if i once explained it, but the Plärrer is the German Oktoberfest in a smaller version here in Augsburg =)) 
xxxxxxxxxx <3 

Baack in theeee country :)

Huhuuuuuuu my Sweeties ;)
Yeah the Nutella- Girliiie is back with some rather not so sweeeeeet news, but also with many wonderful memories to spread :) 
The kind of fucking thing is: I have a cold :S and by saying this, I mean a truly annoying and unpleasant one ... Like sneezing and coughing all the time and it all started with kind of a sore throat :( but no matter, this only started on the day before we went home from 

So many many impressions and moments which should be memorized in my brain <3 
I thought about sharing a few of them with you, if you would be interested in seeing them ;) 
On Tuesday we went from Memmingen (which is such a cute small airport really near to my home) to Shannon (which is also such a mini one haha :)) there my auntie Tina picked us up and we drove together to Galway, where we slept in such a cute little winkled B & B ;) after a little stroll at Salthill, the beach promenade, in the evening and the next morning we went in the main shopping street and went into such a cool pub, where we had Guinness and Cider and also live music was playing ;)

A great evening full of impressions *_* Hahaaa but now lets face it: The weather :S of course by traveling to Ireland you shouldn't expect too much of it, but it rained down so much this day :S really foggy and wet :S but no matter!!!! We went shopping and then drove along to county Sligo where my aunt and her family live next to a cute little town called Tubbercurry :) The next day we planned a tour to mums favorite place on the green isle ;) a peninsula that is called Achill island up in the north west ;) so the weather wasn't too bad this day we drove there and stopped by Westport for lunch and strolling through some cute shops ;) so in the afternoon we drove the Atlantic drive on Achill and stopped at the most beautiful beach on earth: KEEM BAY ;) afterwards we also saw the Deserted Village and Keel :) so impressive always again and again ;) 

So the next morning it again rained down :) but never the less, we drove to Sligo in a shopping center and a quick look at the shopping street there ;) and in the afternoon we were invited at a friend of Tina who lives at such an impressive place on the foot of the Benbulben ;) we had cake and coffee there and a great talk with them ;) 
The next day we actually planned to meet Emily, which I actually told you about with excitement, but unfortunately she told me the day before she was feeling unwell and won´t be able to travel up to visit us :S This was really sad for me to hear...... but for sure her well-being is first!!!!! So we switched our planned tour around and went to Enniscrown, a large, so beautiful beach and after a stop at the beach bar, we came to Strandhill ;) where we went into such a cute ice cream shop to outwit the upcoming wind and rain ;) 

Oh and then the next day it already was time to leave.... :( we had to get up at 05.30 and started our drive to Dublin ;) after some funny airport shopping our plane took off the irish ground at 12.15 :( bye bye ireland we had a wonderful time with you ;) so thanks for having us xxxxxxxxxxxx <3 thanks for everybody who made this trip to such a great experience in my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Getting ready to board ? :)

Heyheyheeeeeeey my deaaaars ;) *_*

Today are the first day now of my leaaaave from work ;) haha yes I desperately waited for this daaay ;) Yes: I AM GOING TO IRELAND on this day ;) 

How much have I been looking forward to this? ;) Awww, I simply love this little green isle *_* even though the weather forecast isn´t tooooooo good, rather cool and not really sunny :S I still keep my pre-excitement up ;) 

So I am so glad to fly there, because I haven´t been there, since 2013 when everything started and I became ill :S The plan is that we will fly to Shannon and my auntie Tina will pick us up there and we will spend one day in Galway then ;) stay at a B&B there and afterwards head up to Tubbercurry where they live ,) can´t wait to be there again, as I always used to love it since I was little *_*
So we will see what things we will doooooo, hopefully we will have a trip to Achill Island and visite one of the most beautiful beaches in the world for me :D and also I will let myself be surprised of what else we will doooooo ;) 
And on saturdaaaay, you might also all know her from leaving such cute comments on my blog ;): Emmmmmmmmmmily will especially for me take the train from her hometown to come up to Sligo ;) isn't this mega mega exciting ;) we got in contact through blogging and since then we stayed in contact so often and helped each other in many many ways and through some hard times ;) So believe me, this meeting will be so coooooooool ;) *_* 



Sooo much for now, now we are heading to the Airport in Memmingen and then up to Shannon *_* ah soooo excited for the moment ;) 

Lots of loooove to all of you and i also wish you a nice holiday if you have one ;) xxxxxxxxxxx