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Friday, October 30, 2015

HAPPY HALLOWEEEEEEN and all the different faces of Miss Mager :S

Heeeeey Sweeties :)
How are you all doing? I hope so much you are fine and well :) 

So maybe you wanna get a little update about my time here in hospital? I am actually feeling a little bit better now since I had a few very very confusing days :S but this is just the way it often is, they told me :) 

I feel so lonely here at some times, but then again I know that I am absolutely right for being here, because I never think now I would be able to beat this stupid illness on my own... And eating wise I already made so many efforts right now, which truly impresses me...This is something I already know for sure now!!! 
It truly forces me in so many many direction being in here, but I am sure, all the challenges they give me and all the shit, which develops because of me being not hard enough, make me to another person who is so much stronger than before!!
I truly get more the impression, that all the girls see each other as competitors who is doing better or who is able to cheat more or eat less :S I absolutely never would be that cruel and sneak on the others :) 
In my opinion, they are all here as well because of different seventies of Miss Magers´face and so I thought they would understand the struggles of each other, but obviously they do not really :S 
Hahaa but I know now just (thank you so much Mama and Papa for this advice) that I never want to end up like them in my life :) So so many of them already are at their mid- or end twenties, live at their parents and have nothing else to think about than spending saturday morning and sunday afternoon with knitting or taking part at a beauty workshop in a clinic for eating disorders :S OMG sorry but I never want to end up like this again, because it sounds so ridiculous :S and sometimes I also truly get the impression they actually are not unhappy with it..... Such strange psychopaths in my eyes :S 
This is the most stirring thing for me at the moment :( I simply hate being seen as a concurrent in somebody else´s eyes... and this exactly is the case in here :) Everyone focus on you making some faults or slips and then they attack you just like wild animals :( such friendly girls hahaaa :S for sure not, they all focus on yourself to divert from themselves to not getting caught and to have something they can talk about :) so I really seem to give them true reasons to talk about :S Oh this is sometimes so ridiculous :) 
Sorry for all my negativity according to them, but otherwise I am so proud to say, that I actually am doing all in all good here in the clinic :) my weight is raising step by step and I truly can say I eat so much more than I ever did :) it also gets easier day by day I honestly can state :) 

Oh and I nearly forgot: To all of you who celebrate Halloweeen and all this stuff in their countries, I wish you a great time and celebrations ;) 
Love u all so much and hope to hear some great news from you of how you are doing ? :)
xxx <3


  1. My dear friend,
    Focus on yourself, your health is most important! I know it is hard, because women seem to be born to compete and to check against each other, try to stay positive and keep on fighting Miss Mager! You can mail me whenever you need somebody to talk to.
    I send you strength and love, Maria

    1. Oh Mariaaa, thank you so much for theeese motivating and lovely words :) they are so great for me to hear!! ;) because they are sooo true :) on some days it really seems to be everyone against everyone :) haha ;) I always was of the opinion we are sitting in the same boat and so on :S
      Lots and lots of love xxxxxxx

  2. Mädels in Kliniken sind zum größten Teil durchgedreht. Das ist so krass und es ist schwer sich abzugrenzen. Versuch, viel kontakt nach Hause zu halten. Du schaffst das! Durchhalten, immer ehrlich bleiben und so viel möglich mitnehmen :)

    1. Oh jaaaa ich dankeee dir :) da hast du aber absolut vollkommen recht :S iwi voll die Psychos manche von denen :S aber deshalb muss ich echt schauen, dass ich so schnell wie nur möglich hier wieder rauskomme und nach Hause kann :) Vermiss das alles schon ganz schön, aber da muss ich jetzt wohl durch :) Dankeeee für die aufbauenden Worte, gaaaaaanz liebe Grüße xxxxxx