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Sunday, June 21, 2015

MY STORY GOES ON.... :D

Haaaaai my honeybees :) 
I wanna go on with my story a little bit, if you are interested :) 
I think I stopped at the point in February 2013 when I and my family decided to start this diet called Metabolic Balance. (At first I intended to describe how it works, so that you can imagine what I actually changed in my eating and lifestyle, but then I decided not to do this, because I don't want to promote any form of a diet and explain how to do it :( 
So I decided to change this post again: 
The only thing you need to understand is, that keeping to a certain meal plan is not good, and radicalizing it, just as I did it, isn´t neither...... it is killing......
Soooo as a result of this in the ongoing year, I wanted to follow the intention of finally loosing some weight....and it really worked... :( UNFORTUNATELY 

I can tell you at first it felt so weird eating according to a given meal plan, which this stupid diet suggested:( I felt so trapped and it was strange, but time by time it went normal and I felt such a huge excitement and interest in preparing food and experiencing new combinations and food:) You can nearly call it an obsession :) but in general, weight loss went steadily and smoothly, so not too fast :) 
I got so many compliments at first and I really enjoyed living such a "healthy lifestyle" and have everyday the decision of what I want to eat and not only getting it served ;) Haha here you again can see it: I needed to take control :( 
I enjoyed so many things at that time, it was the year of my life :(

Just in case you wonder what this is: This is me(on the right) and
my ex-BF fooling around and just having fun
enjoying our free time after our Abi :D

2013:
I went 18 and had a great party, I did my abi (graduation), I went with some of my girls to Ibiza, I did THE America/USA west coast tour with my family, I received the commitment, that I can study the subject I wanted to at the uni I wanted to, I went to Ireland, I started university and had such a typical student life, celebrated many festivities and had an amazing year,..........



But something inside was absolutely going in the wrong direction, without me even noticing and realizing it.....
Some people already told me things like, oh come on, eat that cake or try this piece of food, but I always became more radical in cutting off sweets, pleasures and cheats out of my eating. I mean, they didn´t appear on my meal plan and so why allowing them to myself? I became so much focused on the scale and the wish always eating less than everybody else, that I totally forgot about what would have been normal or healthy at all....
I restricted and refused more and more and unfortunately I started cheating....
Cheating, cheating and cheating, all of the time....
I always wanted less........ 
No matter what I had to do for this, I needed to loose more and more weight and not letting anyone tell me I was wrong... 
Hurt so many many people and behaved as a stranger and crazily addicted person...
THE BEGINNING OF A VICIOUS CIRCLE.....
Which endured and became more worse in 2014


More I will write in my next post, but I don´t want to bore you with too much text here :D 
I hope now you don´t think bad about me in any form for my behaviors, but I never wanted this, I promise, it felt like it just slipped all out of my hands :(
Wish you a lovely lovely afternoon now my Sweeties, I love u 
xxx

7 comments:

  1. aww hun :'( so sad to read I wish it never happened :'( I can really relate to you in this hun as I also started off on the road to destruction in the belief that I was only being "Healthy" :( But often hun these good intentions can spiral into something so harmful :'(

    And hun I really admire you for being so honest and open about this, and don't think we will ever judge you for what you did hun <3 We have all made mistakes which we regret with all our heart, it's just a matter of recognizing them and learning from them huni!! xxxxxxxx

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    1. Ohhh my hunniiii <3 you are so lovely and nice :) *_* your words always cheer me up so so much ;) and it makes me so happy to hear that you don´t judge but understand me according to this topic :) thank you so so much ;)
      And I totally agree with you it is so sad we all developed our ED in quite strange similar ways, but huuuun now have a look: we have each other to fight against it together ;) We all!!! ;) we can do it!!!
      xxxxxxxxx <3

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  2. Hi Girls, lovely pure honest post Ange, that sounds so good, as I only can imagine that this is not easy to write down.
    Without making you jealous Emily, I will see my lovely niece Ange tomorrow :), I actually have 3 lovely nieces , which I all will see tomorrow ... and the two sissis ( sisters ) and Mama ... so a happy day for me :). Hope it all works out this summer to see you over here in beautiful County Sligo :).

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    1. Aww Tina ;) Hahaaaa this comment is so nice *__* I love it! ;) Thank yooou so much for your generous words ;) they mean so much to me ;)
      Oh yeeeeees ;) we were looking so much forward to see you again :) It is always such a pleasure to have you all here ;) so much fun time aheeeead :)
      xxxx <3

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  3. You are so honest and have such a liveliness about you, even though it can't have been an easy time for you to be going through. I admire your honesty and openness and can't wait to read more of your story. You are so brave and inspirational! Keep fighting xxx

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    1. Wow*_* thaaanks so much fooooor such incredible nice words Annie :) you seem like such an amazing person and you really cheer me up by writing this :) I think you are so brave as well and I really admire you for all you already got through as well ;) so keep this positivity up, it is soooosoo necessary for keeping up recovery ;)
      Keep spreading Nutella :) xxx Lovely greetings to Wales *_*

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  4. You are so right that positivity is essential in recovery. You seem like such a positive young lady it's wonderful to read your posts because you always seem positive and happy even when it must be so tough for you! Lovely greetings from Wales to you! Xxx

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