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Friday, October 10, 2014

My Story :)

Like I prevoiusly said, I would love to share my recovery story (so far) a little bit more with you and tell you some maybe random and funny facts about me :)
So for this I am going to create a link probably called „About me“ at the top bar, where I will safe all kind of this sort of posts ;)


Sooooo, when and how did I actually get in this struggle with myself and this voice in my head I call Miss M. Mager?

The probably most important thing for you all to know about me is, that I wasn´t always such a pile of bones, like I look now (but this is going to change! I keep it going!). 
Nooo, factual is, that I, since I could honestly remember, I was part of the more curvy and sort of big girls at school... This does not mean, that I ever was kind of a really fat or massive girl, but I was overweighted and not happy with it, but also not literally caring so much about it. Or what do you think, I am 1,70/71m and my largest weight was 76kg....
I mean, me and my family always knew we all ate a little bit too much in general, but I didn´t feel like anyway having the will to change anything about it. So at first we didn´t quite even realise what means too much, but as time went by, I noticed that our meals simply contained too many calories. But not only the three main dishes were plenty much, the side ones were problematic, too. I never saw any regularity in it, I just ate what I wanted when I craved for it. Means in general in the afternoon or after dinner something sweet like cakes, cookies and yoghurt. Or also at school I had some snack like a small roll or bread, buuuuut on some days I felt like I wanted more and simply not caring about any calories, I bought something sweet from the bakery, like pastries or sometimes even a cake.. Wow, I simply can´t really imagine that time, or believe, that at this time I ate without any anxiety or hate.
But this was sort of NORMAL, because when I was hungry -> I ate and this is how it in general (by eating the right things) should be. So guuuuuys, please never ever in your whole life start restricting or any form of a diet! It can so easily break or destroy you!

But being at this point I also have to mention that you should probably know about me that I´ve always been a person who loves enjoying every minute of life and so as well of eating. So even before focussing on my illness and restricting, I´ve been a slow eater and it always took me ages to eat something, because I wanted to enjoy every minute of it but while my worst episode this became really sort of unnormal, because nobody ate such slow as I did. I am also kind of a „sweet“ eater, which doesn´t mean that I look nice while eating :D no, but I love sweet products so much more than cracker or any other salty things...

But back to the actual topic again:
EVERYTHING with Miss Mager and my ED started let´s say in February 2013, when my mum decided for herself to do a diet, because of her high blood pressure... And not really taking it for such a serious thing, my whole family decided to take part at it, too, just to support her a little bit in her intention. And we also thought about it as a good idea to take the chance to loose a bit of weight, because like I previously said, I knew I was curvy, but had no motivation to change something about it. But generally this is also not 100% right, because factual is I actually was unhappy with my appearance and also sometimes I tried to eat less or do a little bit of crosstrainer or running, but it never showed any positive results on the scale, so I didn´t practice it regularly, because I saw less sense in it by times. So we all started together a diet called METABOLIC BALANCE (not sure if you may know it, but I´ll explain it to you in my next post, but otherwise this one now will get too long) ...
Please, please, please all of you, promise me to NEVER ever start it in your life! In the worst case it will inprison you, like it did to me...
So pleeeease keep eating your Nutella DAILY! 


  1. ange, i can really relate to this post! back in primary school i was far from being skinny - i was healthy, happy and not at all skinny. but then when i went to secondary school...that all changed. :(
    it started off as comparing my lunchbox to everyone elses in school..i thought "gosh i eat so much more than they do!" and i never even considered that they might eat more after shcool, or ate more before they came to school, etc. i felt fat and ugly...and above all an uncontollable, desperate urge to be skinny. :( i too was governed by a voice inside my head...and i am still now, to some extent too. :( it seems as if i am unable to throw away my ED completely!

    i eat really slowly too. i have always been a slow eater, but during my ed, i tried to eat really, really slowly so that i would be the last to finish dinner..and then i would have an excuse to not finish it.
    but now i eat slowly because i do like to enjoy every bite, as i have learnt to really appreciate and enjoy food. though ive noticed that when im eating with friends or family everyone else eats alot quicker than me..sometimes i feel embarassed and wonder,.. should i try to eat quicker? but i dont want to. :(
    ooohhh and i am totally with you on sweet over savoury..crisps, popcorn etc dont bother me at all...but chocolate, biscuits, ice cream?? i couldnt survive without them!! ;) xxx