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Saturday, November 1, 2014

Do you f** really want to let your ED kill yourself?

Halliiiihallooooo :)
Toooday I am quite feeling a little bit sentimental, because I watched a few pics with my mum, which we took over the last year (2014) :( So my phone really kind of documents the whole stages of my illness and my recovery :( it is always so shockingly for us all to see to which point I was able to bring myself down :( can´t really believe how someone is so close to death without even noticing or trying to change something about it... :( and exactly this was me/or actually Miss Mager in May, June and the beginning of July... :( how did I bring myself to such a low point .. =( I hope nobody of you likes what I share with you now, because otherwise you are on the wrong page :(  I never ever in life want to go back to that point again in my life.. :( it destroyed so much...
So this is a picture of me, which I actually feel sooooo much ashamed to publish :( but I think it maybe motivates some of you to go on and never get to such a low point :( this is such an awful one... :( hate it....
Buuuut then in the afternooooooon, I for the first time, since nearly two years (because last winter and christmas I didm´t ate only one of them) I had my first "Lebkuchen" gingerbread in little pieces :) Omg they were so cute and I enjoyed eating them so much *_* missed it reaaaaally:)
Have a look how cuuuuute they are:

So you guys, I wish you all a wonderful weekend and enjoy it :) today I am going to go out with a few girls, and I am reaaaaallly really looking forward to having a bit of fun ;)
how are you all spending your free day? =) Would love to


  1. :( Oh Ange! The picture made me feel so sad too :( but it is sooo good that you have made such progress since that day you took that picture. Though just having your Lebkuchen was a big step in itself! That's what recovery is all about, taking little steps at a time!
    I have so many old pics too which remind me of certain times when my ED was at its worst...there is one we took after eating in a restaurant on a family holiday, and it makes me feel very sad when I see the false smile on my face and the boniness of my frame. :(
    But for sure pictures like that do serve to remind us of how far we have actually come, and how we must always remember to never, ever turn back.
    Hope you have a great night, hun! :) Heehee my free day was spent baking chocolate muffins for my little brother (the recipes on my blog tomorrow!! ;) ), and sitting in front of the logfire with my doggie drinking hot chocolate and eating Oreos!! ;) xxxx

  2. Awww thank yooooou Emmy for keeping my motivation up with your sweet comments <3 Oh yeees I absolutely agree with you, little steps -> time by time and it is so cool of you telling me that just by eating these small gingerbreads I am doing a progress, because it absolutely makes me feel so proud :) and this is something you really need in recovery :) because without the encouragement of people like you I think I could´t do it that way :(
    And yeeees the pic is horrible and I hate the way I look, but being in this stage I honestly didn´t want to see me so skinny and bony.. :(
    Sooooo I absolutely can relate to your feelings while looking at old pics, really making me feel sad, but also motivating me to keep going :)
    Hahaaa I love your style of writing, sounds so fuuuuunny :) and thaaaat´ s great to hear, sounds like you enjooooyed it very much and I hope you can spent more of such relaxing and joyful moments :)

  3. You are so brave for posting this photo. And yes sometimes looking back is a good way to motivate yourself. Though it is so heartbreaking, especially remembering how you felt at that point when the picture was being taken :(
    And I totally agree, small steps and support go a long way. Both of you, Ange and Emmy, are wonderful and I only wish the best to you both!!

    1. <3 :) and YOU are wonderful too Olivia <3 xxxxxxx

  4. Wooow, thaaaanks so muuch Olivia :) your comment really pushed me today :) oh yes, I think it really hurts inside, thinking, you have been able to treat yourself so bad, that you looked that way and destroyed your body in a horrible way :( I mean now I really don´t know how a Person can be able to be so harmful to him/herself, just because she Counts calories and wants to have less than others right ? =( aaaw *_* your soo sweet :) thaaaaank you and I totally can give your compliment back, you are a real Inspiration, so keeep it up ;) so by the way, how are you doing? Is everything going fine? :) Hope you don´´t mind me asking :)

    1. Nawwww, thank you so much to both of you!! :) :)