MERRY CHRISTMAAAS EVERYBODY *_*

Joseph von Eichendorff

Markt und Straßen stehn verlassen,
Still erleuchtet jedes Haus,
Sinnend geh’ ich durch die Gassen,
Alles sieht so festlich aus.

An den Fenstern haben Frauen

Buntes Spielzeug fromm geschmückt,Tausend Kindlein stehn und schauen,
Sind so wunderstill beglückt.

Und ich wandre aus den Mauern
Bis hinaus in’s freie Feld,
Hehres Glänzen, heil’ges Schauern!
Wie so weit und still die Welt!

Sterne hoch die Kreise schlingen,
Aus des Schneees Einsamkeit
Steigt’s wie wunderbares Singen –
O du gnadenreiche Zeit!

Huhuuuuuu my amazing wonderful honeys ;) 

I just want this to be a short post to wish you all the very best, wonderful, calm, holly, merry merry christmas ;) I hope you can enjoy the festivities with your beloved ones and receive many presents and share smiles with each other ;) 

This poem is a german one and it is one of my very favorite ones ;) it is all about the spirit of christmas and describes a man who walks through a festively lit town and out on a calm field and simply feels the magic of christmas itself in these moments of joy ;) 

So always keep in mind what it really is about in life ;) And i also said to my mummy the other day, for me after this year, it isn't about one special festivity, or day ;) because i simply feel it more now, that every day is special and matters ;) if it was a good day, be happy with it, and if it was a bad one, be calm with yourself, because tomorrow is another day and another chance for you to make it a good one ;) 

So I wish you a nice christmas festivity and share this time of the year with the ones you LOVE ;) MERRY CHRISTMAS ;) xxxxx All my love ;) 

People come and people go, but memories stay forever :) and important people stay :)

Huhuuuuuu my christmas angels *_* 

Only 10 days until christmas, is this even possible? AAAAAAH :D and still so many many things to do and arrange :S or is it different for you? :) Foor me now it means it is now time for the final dash of the year 2016 :) On Facebook I recently saw a pic: 

In English this means:Unbelievable to see who you started and who you
finish your year with :)

I think this one is so right: Maybe you just also take a look back to the beginning of your year :) who was there at this time for you? :) For me this really is kind of amazing, because at the beginning of 2016 i was a fall apart, shy, embittered, lonely, lost girl, who was celebrating New Year´s Eve with some other sick patients in a clinic battling against my eating disorder... I was just a small, shrunken shadow of myself :S I feel so shameful, bbad and sorry for all of this and the things I have done to my beloved ones.... :( 
But not only I was different, just like the quote says: who was there for me? Puh this is easily countable at one or two hands :) many people left in my life through the illness, because they couldn´t handle the coldness and sickness of me being Miss Mager in a full-time job :S I really felt somehow left alone and all I had was my wonderful wonderful amazing family ;) They are truly the world and anchor for me :) They (next to Nutella :D haha saved my life =)) 

Looking back now, I feel this loneliness so much ... But so this is why I am so confused for so many moments right now:( maybe this is hard to explain, but I sometimes/very often can´t deal with my inner happiness, relaxation, and the people who truly seem to like me :) the real Ange ;) without Miss Mager speaking out of her :) For me this is like a wonder, that people wanna spend time with me and welcome me at their surroundings and friends ;) Maybe you know this feeling? ;) I am somehow soo overwhelmed by the love and of many people, because in the past i had to deal so much with the hate and the rejection of a lot of people ;) Oh damn, this is so hard to form in words ;) All in all I just wanna say thank you so much for making me see the change in your faces ;) And even if i know that I still have such a long and even confusing way in front of me, I still look back with patience and now for the first time i want to share with you a picture where I wish and hope you can see a little change i made in this whole year 2016 ;) I feel a little bit unsure about this, but i think the end of this year may be an option of sharing it with you ;) :S 

The left one i took today at work and the right one was at the clinic at the end of 2015 :S 

Puuuuh i am sorry again for such a confusing post ;) but here is so much going on in my head and I simply enjoy sharing it all with you my shining ones :) *_* 
Wish you now a wonderful, cosy and enjoyable evening ;) I am still need to learn a little bit for my exam in tax advice on friday ;) but thereby i will listen to christmas songs :) *_* Love u xxxxxxxxxxx :-*

1st Deceeeeember *_*

Huhhuuuuuuuu my Angeeeeeels :-*

Are you already in Christmas mood? :) I definitively have to admit, that I still try to get into it :) buuuut I nevertheless decorated our whole house with little christmas decorations like pinecones, candles, and many other cheesy decorations haha :D but even though one second before i told you i am not so much in the mood, i still am so happy that today on the 1st of December (OMG where is the whole year gone? :S can´t believe it is already the end of 2016 :D) 
So to keep you a little bit updated in my life :) I amm really really happy at the moment ;) because i kind of feel more free at the moment because i left some things in the past now, which were really bothering me for the last few weeks now ;) i do not wanna go into details, because this was something very personal and i am glad i broke it up now ;) so i feel free on this topic again now and also i feel so much more being free, going out and having fun ;) I feel so much more confident and this uplifts me so much ;) *_* 
But what else is going on? :) next week i have my first exams in school ;) in a subject which is called "Allgemeine Wirtschaftslehre" could maybe be translated as general business theory (it is very boring haha ;D) ;) and i hope it will be okay ;) 

Sooooo but also today I got such a sweet wake up :) when I came down to make my brekkie I already opened the 1st door of my self bought advent calendar ;) which contains old vintage style pictures and each day you receive a little letter or a card with a sweet nostalgic poem, quote or saying ;) today it was such a cute one from Christian Morgenstern ;) which I knew from my childhood but haven´t heard for such a long while ;) also the surprise was my mummy and daddy bought me a biiiiiiig advent calendar with real handmade truffle pralines *_* which i will enjoy noooow this year!!!!!! Not like last year whereas this whole christmas time i was in the clinic..... :S Also my mam gave me a wonderful mandala advent calendar, where i can color each day a new one and put it in a frame ;) such a cute idea isn´t it? 

So this is the one with the truffleeees :) and in the back you
can see our advent wrath with the 4 candles ;) 

Hahaa and bexause i am such a crazy girl ;D I also bought myself a small one with one earring for each day ;) those are just such small symbols like stars, snowflakes, diamonds, etc..... so i will change one of my earrings each day ( by the way in the whole i have 5 ear holes:S heheee so i can change many varieties ::)

The one in the middle is the earring one and the one on the right the mandala ;) 

And the best follows now: Call me crazy ;) buuuuuut every year (with the exeption of last year) I (and my sister in earlier years as well) build up one of my two playmobil toy advent calendars ;) :D OMG :) but i am such a little girl according to this ;) every year i put it up and place each figure and toy at its place in the stage ;) :D childish isn´t it? ;) but i enjoy being that little girl again each year ;) 

this is the nostalgic one with the cute letters ;) 

Just a short blink in my room now ;) 

Sooo much for this day now ;) Hahaa aand something to today i also wanna share with you my loveliiiiies ;) TODAY was the day i baked my first ever irish guinness bread ;) all alone by myself ;) hahaa i just was in the mood and never baked some bread before but i saw we had guinness at home and read a recipe on the interner and now we will see how it turned out ;) ahha master chief is calling :) ääääh no rather not !!!!!

I wish you all a wonderful, christmas time with many happy days now ;) xxxxxxx enjoy <3

Loosing some things in life whilst gaining new experiences :)

Heeeeeey my Daaaaarlings ;) 

Maaaany things happening over here and it is nearly aa little little bit complicated to pack all of these in words and especially in a blogpost :DD 

Okay so on the one hand I absolutely have to admit, that three or four weeks ago I absolutely struggled a lot :S so why? Because I simply felt overwhelmed of how many other things could bother or stress me at the same time, whilst I actually thought that my ed is my main problem ;) But in these days it felt like my behavior was becoming worse again, just because I tried to focus my life more on other things than eating, food, gaining, ..... It was like, i maybe describe it like this: I ranked my ed down in a smaller corner of my mind and it felt like it would rebel out of it :) Do you understand what I mean? I just wanted to focus my life more on personal relationships, being social again, learning for my first few tests of school, being active at work, and and and... And the result was: I first felt confident and great about it, because it felt like it would be easier to deal with Miss Mager, but the first illusion deceived :S It just went good as long as i wasn't stressed, like somebody wanted something from me which I didn't want or I was forced to do something I didn´t like.....
This made me somehow panic and just like the imagination of a little, defiantly child my ed wants attention again and i feel bad and insecure as a result of it!!!! Even though i am sooooo happy in my "everyday life" and my private progression :) Sounds so strange right?;) 

It somehow feels like this ill part/piece of me simply does not want to be forgotten, missed out or wants attention when i feel good and won´t let me be happy ... Kinda hard and i feel like this is so unfair and i truly wanna get rid of this part :S it confuses me so much :) 

Buuut I also think all of this confusedness comes by the fact that I currently feel like constantly pimped up with so much energy and happiness about my life at the moment ;) and as a result of that I feel confused :) Because all in all i couldn't be happier:) all things are developing in the right direction, I am back on track again and I have so many wonderful people around me having so much fun with them and spending a great time ;) So thanks to all of you ;) most of those I mean by saying this may never read this blog, buuuut to those of you, yeeeeeeees I know exactly you will be reading this,, because you currently are doing it hahaa ;) what a logic :D THANKS for being here for me ;) I love u to the moon and back :)
SOOOOOO and this is the "Wort zum Sonntag" -> word for sunday ;) 

Sending you all the best and muuuch love xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Reeeeeeaching 30.000 views, autumny days and a new month ;)

What a beautiful morning ;) Why can´t we start each day with such a wonderful quote? ;) 

Soooo heeeeeey my Sweeties ;) 

ALL OF YOU ;) OMG I have to tell you something which makes me so so unbelievably happy and i already counted the views down towards it :) MY LITTLE CUTE TINY COSY BLOD "How Nutella saved my Life" reeeeached 30.000 views!!!! *_* Wow, this just feels so stunning and unreal for me :D Thanks so much everybody who ever stopped by and all the lovely people I was allowed to get to know through blogging so far! Yes I mean you and you and everyone of you who is currently reading these lines!!!!!! 
Because for me my blog is kind of a collection of all of my thoughts, ups and downs and everything i survived in the last years.... It is like a album of good and bad moments and many amazing people i met through it ;) And like i already mentioned in one of my earlier posts for me this still is so stunning from where you all are from ;) 

But now moving on in this post ;) It became so much "Herbst" (=autumn) in the last weeks, which i normally actually not prefer, but when the sun shines, the world appears soooo beautiful ;) all the different colors of the fallen and still hanging leaves makes it look so stunning, pretty and unique ;) I collected some of the fallen ones and arranged them a little on our kitchen table which somehow made me happy, as well as we had 3 soooo cute small hedgehogs in our garden *_* awww they were so lovely ;) hopefully they will survive through the cold winter ;) Also my mammy and i did a last trip with our cabrio this year to take some nice fotos from the landscape all around here ;) Just to share some with you: ;) 

Another thing i again learned in the last days/weeks, is that everyday you can start again and nothing is lost by doing a mistake, as long as you don´t let it happen too much often ;) always still believe in yourself and never forget how beautiful and various the world is and so are you ;) 
Now a new month has started and here in Germany it is a public holiday today called "Allerheiligen" so I wish you all a good start in this 11th month of 2016 ;) unbelievable isn´t it? 
Sending you many love and i am so thankful for having you ;) xxxxxxxx Ange

Standing up and admitting your mistakes and faults....Because Nobody´s perfect!

Huhuuuu my honey bunnies ;) 

No one is perfect! It is simple and it is plain, nobody!!! NOT EVEN YOU and especially not you if you are in the craws of Miss Mager! 
Why not accepting your meal plan once in a while or why not even letting a snack pass by uneaten? Because this is ill and it is wrong!! we must try to keep this in mind ;) ALWAYS ;) restricting and cheating is not good and it never is the solution ;) ONLY honest, self caring and fighting people can win this battle ;) MY battle, OUR battle !!!!! But everyone for him/herself ;) DO IT FOR YOURSELF :) I truly have to realize this more and more in my head, because if you are not doing this, you never will heal fully :S and this is not what I want........

But don´t blame yourself for being a looser, a misfit or a failure by times.. You won´t stay this forever and it happened once, so change something about it so it won´t happen again! 
The one thing you just have to hope for is, that your beloved ones will forgive you those slips and fails :S and for them this might be so hard to understand so as a result of this they may blame you for it :) but you have to believe in the fact that time will heal wounds and scars :S maybe not today or tomorrow, but give it/them time :) if they see you are able to change they will be by your side again ;) 
So always keep in mind your life, your world and everything you do needn´t and never will be PERFECT, so neither have you ;) For this I looked up a song text which matching to this topic came to my mind  ;) And it made me remember so much ;) 
The song is called "Nobody´s perfect" by Mike and the Mechanics ;) I don´t actually know if anyone of you knows it, because i think it may is from the 80s or something around this time ;) but it made me remember our special family holidays in our mobile home in ireland, scotland, itaaly, sweden, norway, portugal, gb, ..... and i felt so happy and childish about it ;) I was just a little small girl sitting in the back of the car and listening to this music my parents had on their ipod and was playing nintendo gameboy ;) careless and free ;) enjoying my life and not thinking about anything serious ;) How much I wanna be free like this again ;) And also the lyrics of the song are soooooooo perfectly suitable for being unperfectt ;) HAhA so I hope you will like it ;) Maybe you also will give it a listen and tell me what you think? ;) Would be so happy to hear from you ;) 

NOBODY'S PERFECT SONGTEXT

It must be hard
being an angel
when the devil in your heart
won't set you free
it must be hard
being an angel
when the world has let you down
imperfection all around

Hey look at me
it must be hard
it must be hard
it must be hard.

Nobody's perfect
all of the time
nobody's perfect
we are what we are
there's no perfect reason
and no perfect rhyme

for most of the time
that's what we're looking for.

Gentlemen gentlemen please!
can you please support the notion
of what I'm saying here
that the person here in question
must be an angel here on earth
if they can't see a human being
for what a human being's really worth
gentlemen please!

Nobody's perfect
all of the time
nobody's perfect
we are what we are
there's no perfect reason
and no perfect rhyme
for most of the time
that's what we're looking for.

It must be hard
being an angel
it must be hard
when the world has let you down
it must be hard
being an angel
it must be hard.

Nobody's perfect
all of the time
nobody's perfect
we are what we are
there's no perfect reason
no perfect rhyme
most all of the time
that's what we're looking for...

Sentimental flashbacks, confusion, nostalgia and old memories ....

Heeeeeeyheeey my bestiiiiies *_* 
How are you? And how is the weather at your place right now? =) Does it maybe describe your mood at the moment? :D 
Here in Germany right now the weather is a little bit dusty, but with some wonderful sunny sunbeams here and there :) I love those little bright shines throughout the day :) they always make me smile :) Oh but all in all it definitively can be said, that it got so much colder since the beginning of october, also in the nights there is nearly zero degree :) but for all of this I am settled ;) I bought a new pair of shoes and a warm superdry jacket :) *_* So in love with that :) And also for the new start of the season, haha no just for fun ;) I again dyed my hair in a deep, also a little bit striking red ;) hahaa so I can´t be overlooked: the red fire alarm :)

Fuuuuun, so there are so many many things I currently am thinking about: 
On the one hand my life here is sooo great, as I never truly anyhow could have imagined it again, because so many wonderful, cool, amazing and exciting (neew) things happened, but on the other, I sometimes feel such a strange kind of sentimentality coming up and I feel like I would miss some of the good times in the clinic :SS Soooo strange, i can tell you this, because i end up feeling like a total mess, you know? ;) But my mum also told me about this kind of nostalgia she had after leaving her school (she was in a boarding school ) So after it is over, it seems like you would only remember ALL of the good and wonderful times you had there ;) so it can be called a sentimental flashback I think... :) but I know now what i want, and this is doing my apprenticeship, going out, having fun, living my real life :) going into a clinic only means again freezing all the things i have got here and go away for a limited episode of time :S and afterwards coming back and again starting at zero..... Never actually wanna do this and restart again :S
But I think such flashbacks and mixed feelings you can experience in many sectors of your life ;) just take a holiday as an example, but also maybe harmful memories, like the end of a relationship, you still have such days wishing back to those days, even though they may hurted yourself :S But this is human :) 

Because just at the moment I am more than ever so happy with all those current happenings here, and I feel like floating a little bit ;) Unsure where it takes me, but i know by the help of my family and friends it will take me somewhere wonderful :) Lets just hope for this ;) 
Love u all and wish you a great middle of the week ;) YOU ARE AWESOME *_*

Had to get rid of it.... just rambling :) but maybe you wanna read it? ;)

                                        ATTENTION ATTENTION ATTENTION!!!!!!!!
                                                       HOOOOOOOONEYS 

In English: Sometimes the only thing which keeps you away from reaching your
goals in your head!!!!!!!

Something was just bumping and hitting my mind today, which is so important i think :S especially for myself!!!!

An eating disorder is full of lies, as many of you maybe will know.... and this is such a bad thing, because you have to find the exact contrary to this: TRUST

So there are two pages of trust ;) In recovery you have to learn to trust 2 kinds of people: Family/friends that wanna help you out, but also and this probably is the most important, but also most difficult thing to do: trust in yourself!!!!

Starting to write this post, i really have to admit to you: I was angry on my mum, because she lied at me according to making food for me :S So i honestly felt betrayed and lied to.... And then the second minute after our argument, I realized how stupid i behaved, because she actually just wanted to help me on my intention on gaining..... so here i am back at the point of how i wanna learn to trust myself, that i am doing the right thing and not cheating and lying anymore to myself or the people I love...... I want to be happy and healthy looking and not like a skeleton....... So i think i am back at the point of saying i need to trust in other people who know more clearly what maybe i need for this step again for gaining more weight :S because in theory i know as well what is needed, but the practical implementation is another big chapter......

SO I need now to learn to trust my body, that in my head knows what he needs, and if i am doing hard at this, I need to rely on my family who only wants my best ;) I need to give up some more control to them to fully become my self again.... 
Puh such a cuddle muddle and i also think many maybe didn't even understand now what i wanna say with this post, but i wrote this just out of my thoughts, as fast as my fingers could hit the keyboard ;) 
Just want to tell you this okay? =) trust is so much needed and one day I hope that i fully will be able again to trust in my thoughts and my mind about all of this chapter ;) 
I wish you now all a gooood good evening and a wonderful night now ;) 
Hahaa mine is already ending at 5.30 in the morning, because i have to go to school tomorrow :S so it wont be too long now ;) sending you all my LOVE ;) xxxxxx

Never look back...

Oooooooooooooooonly to see how much you already reached !!!!!!!!!!

Yeeeees heeelloooo again my Sweeties :) 
I am so sorry for my longer absence now, but I absolutely didn´t really know what to blog about without boring you :S And I also experience so many many new things in life at the moment now, as my apprenticeship now fully started :) 
So many things are new for me again, like on thursday I had my first day at school again (I have to go there on this and on friday each week =)) and met many foreign people and it was so exciting, but all in all positive for me ;) I am really looking forward to how it will be in the next lessons :) Hahaaa no i will not be a swot!!!!!! Surely not, I swear :) :D 
Also I really can say: I like my job and my working place a lot ;) All the co-worker are so nice and ready to help :) 
Buuuuut what I notice a lot at this time now: The weather influences my mood so much and changes my attitude as well :S this is so confusing for me ;) SO now the last few weeks/even months, the weather here in Germany was so warm, sometimes sunny and nice as well, and now this is changing, especially now it gets colder, darker, rainy, foggy and misty so many days.... I absolutely don´t like it! :S buuuut of course I can´t change anything about it (maybe emigrating to a southern country would be an option? Haha :D) 
DO you know what I mean? ;) Maybe some of you also have this problem and can help me by dealing with it? I would love so much to hear some coping strategies with this :) 
I also did some considerations and asked some friends and family ;) Like for example if the weather outside is so bad (just as today here: Rain, rain, rain...)

you should do something which distracts you from negative thoughts, like watching a movie, read a book, take a nap, have a chat, coffee date with friends, LAUGH and go on ;) For sure, those are some great strategies which maybe sometimes will help you pass this episode, but for gaining more positivity in life, always have a look back to your worst time, and how you never wanna have it again ;) For me looking back is so important : Not to see how bad I really behaved, felt and was lonely, NO for seeing how much I reached since this point and how it developed into the positive direction ;) and seeing this, most of the time always gives me hope and power to continue on and gain happiness back ;) 

Maybe you can also be creative according to this topic ;) this is a poster i made in the clinic
for distracting myself and helping me cope with everything ;) 

So just have a look at your lowest point to see where you started and why you started and how much is possible to still reached ;) because being down at the point when I decided to go to the clinic I would never have thought that someday I will be able again to start a real job and build up a "normal all-day" life again :) 
So never loose hope my dears, I absolutely know so well how it feels to just wanna give up, but please no ;) and if you are down, it may also helps you (just like me) to write down your thoughts, because this sometimes frees your mind and makes you feel good and calmed as well ;) 
Sending you all my love my cuuuties :) xxxxxxxxx *_* 

Saying NO in life :)

Gooood good morning my honeeeeys ;)

Now it is official: I am an apprentice!!!!! Oh yes! My apprenticeship started on Thursday ;) Haha actually not sooo much was new for me, because I already worked there half day, as I mentioned before, I think? =) So now I am an Azubi as an assistant tax consultant :D (I looked up the job description on the translator :D) 

But again enough about me ;) I feel like my blog sometimes gets too much about my personal self :) so I thought about writing about an important topic, which I myself still often struggle a lot with : SAYING NO 
Of course this doesn´t mean saying no in every life sector, because saying no to my meal plan or to new exciting capitals of my life would be stupid and inexcusable :S but the topic I truly mean is saying no to things which tie you down, make you sad or force you to things you do not even wanna do or which stress you!!!! One of the main goals in life should be being happy and in peace with yourself and this sometimes/often also includes saying no to negatives!!!! 

Never try to be a person, who you really are not, just because someone wants you to be this way or to function like they want it ;) If it gets too much for you, tell them, and don´t worry if they truly are friends, they will understand it! And if they are not, I also made this experience through my illness, it absolutely is the better to not having them into your life! For me in some cases it after some time really felt relieving and liberating :)
And also it is in recovery from an illness or an addiction: You have to do it for yourself!!! All by yourself and all for the person you wanna be ;) so saying no to things which keep you away from becoming this one, is essential!!!!!!! 

Another point which you also have to learn to is: Saying no to bad habits and negative attached habits :) like those you may follow because of your addiction :) For me I also precisely know them, and each day is a fight against giving in to those!! Because for getting rid of them, there is no magic healing, it all is lying in your own hands and behaviors! By time, I learned, that the best way coping with those is replacing them by rather positive habits, which I probably liked or enjoyed in earlier days, like childhood maybe ;) especially the exchange of your own thoughts is so important at this topic ;) 

Puuuuuuh now I babbled so much again, but this all was in my mind now, and I hope this does nnot bore you okay? :) 
Sending you a many kisses and for now, I am going to the Plärrer with some very good friends ;) (not sure if i once explained it, but the Plärrer is the German Oktoberfest in a smaller version here in Augsburg =)) 
xxxxxxxxxx <3 

Baack in theeee country :)

Huhuuuuuuu my Sweeties ;)
Yeah the Nutella- Girliiie is back with some rather not so sweeeeeet news, but also with many wonderful memories to spread :) 
The kind of fucking thing is: I have a cold :S and by saying this, I mean a truly annoying and unpleasant one ... Like sneezing and coughing all the time and it all started with kind of a sore throat :( but no matter, this only started on the day before we went home from IRELAND!!!!!!!! ;) 

So many many impressions and moments which should be memorized in my brain <3 
I thought about sharing a few of them with you, if you would be interested in seeing them ;) 
On Tuesday we went from Memmingen (which is such a cute small airport really near to my home) to Shannon (which is also such a mini one haha :)) there my auntie Tina picked us up and we drove together to Galway, where we slept in such a cute little winkled B & B ;) after a little stroll at Salthill, the beach promenade, in the evening and the next morning we went in the main shopping street and went into such a cool pub, where we had Guinness and Cider and also live music was playing ;)

A great evening full of impressions *_* Hahaaa but now lets face it: The weather :S of course by traveling to Ireland you shouldn't expect too much of it, but it rained down so much this day :S really foggy and wet :S but no matter!!!! We went shopping and then drove along to county Sligo where my aunt and her family live next to a cute little town called Tubbercurry :) The next day we planned a tour to mums favorite place on the green isle ;) a peninsula that is called Achill island up in the north west ;) so the weather wasn't too bad this day we drove there and stopped by Westport for lunch and strolling through some cute shops ;) so in the afternoon we drove the Atlantic drive on Achill and stopped at the most beautiful beach on earth: KEEM BAY ;) afterwards we also saw the Deserted Village and Keel :) so impressive always again and again ;) 

So the next morning it again rained down :) but never the less, we drove to Sligo in a shopping center and a quick look at the shopping street there ;) and in the afternoon we were invited at a friend of Tina who lives at such an impressive place on the foot of the Benbulben ;) we had cake and coffee there and a great talk with them ;) 
The next day we actually planned to meet Emily, which I actually told you about with excitement, but unfortunately she told me the day before she was feeling unwell and won´t be able to travel up to visit us :S This was really sad for me to hear...... but for sure her well-being is first!!!!! So we switched our planned tour around and went to Enniscrown, a large, so beautiful beach and after a stop at the beach bar, we came to Strandhill ;) where we went into such a cute ice cream shop to outwit the upcoming wind and rain ;) 

Oh and then the next day it already was time to leave.... :( we had to get up at 05.30 and started our drive to Dublin ;) after some funny airport shopping our plane took off the irish ground at 12.15 :( bye bye ireland we had a wonderful time with you ;) so thanks for having us xxxxxxxxxxxx <3 thanks for everybody who made this trip to such a great experience in my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Getting ready to board ? :)

Heyheyheeeeeeey my deaaaars ;) *_*

Today are the first day now of my leaaaave from work ;) haha yes I desperately waited for this daaay ;) Yes: I AM GOING TO IRELAND on this day ;) 

How much have I been looking forward to this? ;) Awww, I simply love this little green isle *_* even though the weather forecast isn´t tooooooo good, rather cool and not really sunny :S I still keep my pre-excitement up ;) 

So I am so glad to fly there, because I haven´t been there, since 2013 when everything started and I became ill :S The plan is that we will fly to Shannon and my auntie Tina will pick us up there and we will spend one day in Galway then ;) stay at a B&B there and afterwards head up to Tubbercurry where they live ,) can´t wait to be there again, as I always used to love it since I was little *_*
So we will see what things we will doooooo, hopefully we will have a trip to Achill Island and visite one of the most beautiful beaches in the world for me :D and also I will let myself be surprised of what else we will doooooo ;) 
And on saturdaaaay, you might also all know her from leaving such cute comments on my blog ;): Emmmmmmmmmmily will especially for me take the train from her hometown to come up to Sligo ;) isn't this mega mega exciting ;) we got in contact through blogging and since then we stayed in contact so often and helped each other in many many ways and through some hard times ;) So believe me, this meeting will be so coooooooool ;) *_* 



Sooo much for now, now we are heading to the Airport in Memmingen and then up to Shannon *_* ah soooo excited for the moment ;) 

Lots of loooove to all of you and i also wish you a nice holiday if you have one ;) xxxxxxxxxxx

A week full of wonderful summer nights *_*

Hallohallohallohalloooooo my cuties ;)

So it is already sunday again and I absolutely can say, this week was like wow: it was so full of activity! And especially such kind of plans which i actually do love, but I lost interest or got some anxiety since my illness :S sounds weird, but i try to make it as clear as possible ;) :D 
Maybe some or many of you already have heard, that people who have an eating disorder withdraw themselves from activities with others or simply enjoy only being on their own ;) because they fully live into their world of not-eating and hiding and lying :S this exactly was the way it felt for me, which I now notice by looking back ;) I always said no, when friends asked me to come along or go out ;) I always was busy when someone wanted me to do something in family and I always seemed on the run from everybody ;) simply being alone with myself and my ed seemed my only activity :S it is so shameful I know now .......

But this week truly showed me, that even if my self worth and self perception is not restored or built up yet, I absolutely love being alive again! ;) 
Actually the week all in all didn´t start so good, as I felt a little bit sick and nervous, but then on Monday me and my fam went to some neighbors of us for a few liquor shots and the anxiety was broken ;) then on Wednesday my uncle was turning 40 and we had a large barbecue ;) Then on Thursday I already was a bit tired, but I absolutely wanted to go with an old childhood friend, I haven´t seen for weeks to a little festival in Dinkelscherben, which is held every year ;) and this is such a cute one, because everything is lighted so comfy outside, many different bands were playing and the atmosphere is so enjoyable *_* so I was so glad to joined in, as I wasn't sure at first ;)

Then on Friday I planned to stay home, because i really was tired and wanted to be fit on Saturday ;) but then this friend spontaneously asked me whether I want to join her and some mates to go to a Beer Summer Festival for a few drinks as well ;) so I said YES and this was also very cool ;) one large stage and a kind of scottish playing music ;) and some beer... Hahaa also a funny experience ;) SO on Saturday me and my sister already planned to go to a Party which is held every year in a near village ;) so before heading there I once more took a visit at the festival in Dinkelscherben and afterwards me and her went to the party, drank a lot of shots and other yummy stuff ;) we had so much fun, because the people were great, the music was good and the atmosphere was stunning ;) *_* 
Sooo and this morning i at first woke up with kind of a headache (hahah no idea from what ? :D) but for lunch we headed again to my uncle where my granny was cooking a deeeeelicious german dish : Schweinefilet mit Spätzle! In english this could be (am not sure): pieces of pork filet with german spätzle ;) 
For now I definitively need to close my eyes a little bit ;) haha tired ;) 
Wish you all a lovely and great start in the new wweeeeeeeeeeeeek xxxxxxxxxxxxx 

Why blogging means the woooorld to me ;) :-*

Heyhooooooooo my looooves *_* 

All over the last years since I started my blog, people ask me like: Why are you doing this? ;) What is it about you are blogging? Why are you writing in English and not in German? ;) 

Okay, so this for me definitively is a rather easy question: I love getting in touch with new people, and especially it makes me so HAPPY to have a look at the statistics of my blog ;) you know? =) 

Every day I can have a look at what person from which country visited my little page ;) and this nearly makes me cheer up by times ;) there are some tiny pieces of the world, which I even didn´t know or ever had heard of :D sounds weird, right? ;) 
But each one of you always makes me so glad to know that some people really care for my blog ;) THANK YOU ;) you all are really Happy Makers to me ;) 
So in all of my bloggin "era" (:D) I had page views from places like Germany, Ireland, Portugal, Russia, Australia, New Zealand, Lebanon, Philipines, Austria, Switzerland, UK, USA, Malaysia, Norway, Sweden, Italy, India,... but also very unknown countries like Bahrain, St. Kitts and Nevis, Nepal, Mauritius, St.Lucia,.... but maybe you also wanna have a look of how this looks like for me for one day: (I LOVE CHECKING THIS ;)

So this is one of the main reasons I blog in english ;) And the other one is: I love the english language, as it sounds so smooth and chilled ;) if i would write in German, I think even some native speakers may even wouldn´t understand my Swabian-Augsburgerisch idiom :D 
So in this post, I simply wanted to say thaaaaaaaaaank you to you all who regularly drop by or also visit my blog once ;) You all mean so much to me ;) 
And in all the time I own my little page I now got over 28.000 visitors and clicks ;) so you maybe also understand why I wanna keep this up ;) My blog means so much to me ;) 
And each one makes me proud and shows me how much togetherness means and helps !!!! 

Also for answering the other question: Why do you blog in general? ;) Oh I enjoy blogging beeeecause, it helps MYSELF to write down many of my thoughts, because otherwise I surely wouldn't face them anyhow I think ;) So it is a good way to confront myself with my often confusing wirrwaaaaarrs and struggles and also I enjoy it, because getting in touch with so many many lovely people makes me feel like I am someone, who is somebody ;) haha bit confusing, right? But I think you know what I mean, I feel a little bit like a appreciated person and not only a person who has a problem ;) NO!!!!


Also I wanna mention a motto of our family, since I am a little girl, and I still think it fits: 
The world is a village!!!!!!

Okay so enough for now, but as a finish of this may emotional post for me ;) I put a picture of an old-timer rallye here, which I had a look at yesterday ;) it was so fun and somehow cuuute *_* looking at those old-style cars passing through our villages ;) 

SUMMER IS NOW!!

Huhuuuuuuu Sweeties :) 

OMG I recognized my last blog post already is more than a few weeks agoooo... :) so sorry for this lack again ;) 

Summer only is once and year and this time is now! SO live with it! You can´t relive it again and you should use this time for making experiences, having fun and creating a life which is worth living it without any harmful illnesses.... :( or simply try your best to have it ;) And this exactly is my motto 2016!!!!! All of this time won´t come again and you can´t use a chance again you once missed! 
So you maybe are thinking what does she wanna say us with this now, because theoretically said things work out more easy than in actual practice and real life! But even if i fail and won´t always have success with it, I am no more banning myself inside my illness and inside my room! I wanna take the step out :) 
SO what am I doing along at the moment? ;) I am working half time and I still loooove it ;) the job in the tax office is so perfectly for meeee ;) I would never have imagined this, but I will start an apprenticeship in september *_* bit nervous, but I thought deeply about it and wanna give it a gooo ;) I am so glad i never will go back to uni again and become a teacher, because i now truly know for sure, this partly has been a reason why I became so ill ... :S 

our "Freibad" in Dinkelscherben

And on other things I really can happily say, that my relationship to my sister developed to the clearly better the last weeks ;) we went out very often together and had a great time at parties or at the pool ;) Because before last week, the temperatures here in Germany were absolutely stunning and unreally hot *_* I loved it ;) spend so much time outside as it was even possible ;) also one absolutely really important and happy thing was: For the first time in the las 3 years (since my illness became absolutely dangerously:() I was able to go into our public open pool which reaches at its most a water temperature of 24 °C :) and i even swam one row ;) this was so fab for me ;) sorry for mentioning something maybe not so exciting for you  ;) but for me it felt special :) 

this is the spa in Bad Wörishofen 

And also last week I really tried to keep myself busy ;) I went with mummy and my sister into thermal spa here in our surrounding and I was sooooo glad to properly swim and dive again without even freezing or feeling powerless ;) It was so great for relaxing *_* 
Oh and something also was feeling kind of special for me this week ;) A very very good and helpful friend from my time in the clinic came here to visit me!!! I felt somehow honored and we met with another girl from this time there in Augsburg, because she also lives here ;) Oh it felt so amazing to see both of them again ;) 
Also I now try to keep some things in my mind, which really push me and help me staying happy: For example things like driving, riding motorbike with my dad, going shopping, spending some time at the pool or any water, going on holidays, having a few drinks, meeting friends,.... many many more ;) and sooooo I try to do them as often as even possible ;) 

Do you also have such fun things to do, to simply make you happy=)? Have a wonderful new week now hooooneys ;) 
xxxxxxxxxxxx